


Close Watch

by StrawberryWhorecake



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Complete, Confessions, Dragon Age Quest: Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts, Drama, Dreams and Nightmares, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Falling In Love, First Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Injury, Kink Meme, Love Confessions, NSFW, Nightmares, Orlesian Balls, Romance, Secrets, Sexual Content, Sickness, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 19:13:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4403924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawberryWhorecake/pseuds/StrawberryWhorecake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey Cadash didn't fit in the Inquisition. She was a thug, a criminal, a low life. She knew it was only a matter of time before they realized this and sent her away. Which would be a shame since she found herself drawn to the straight laced commander, even though he wanted nothing to do with her. </p><p>     Cullen found Rey's fierce tenacity compelling. But he couldn't stop his own insecurities from holding him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Each step she took in the snow shot waves of pain up her body. She closed her eyes and bowed her head against the heavy snowstorm. Fierce gale winds ripping through the air was the only sound to be heard. Had that monster destroyed Haven and managed to cause the blizzard? She scoffed at the amount of raw power she faced at Haven, she was surprised to have survived. She stopped in her tracks. Well, the likelihood of her death was still very much a possibility.

           

Squinting her eyes, Rey regarded the landscape surrounding her. Nothing. There was nothing that she could see. Beyond the snow blasting in her face lay an inky blackness. After the avalanche, she awoke in an abandoned mineshaft. She realized now that staying the night in the shaft was a wiser course of action, one she did not take.

 

 _Think before you act, Rey!_ She could hear her uncle bellow in her head. _How many times must your foolish behavior cost me good coin?_ Rey groaned loudly. The last thing she needed was the voice of Darren Cadash in her head, scolding her.

           

Rey inhaled deeply before forcing herself to make another step.

 

“Son of a bitch!” She cried as the pain rushed through her body. She underestimated the extent of her wounds, and how far the people of Haven could have traveled in such a short time. Unless, of course it was not a short time, Rey had no way of telling how long she lay passed out after her encounter with Corypheus. It could have been minutes, could have been hours.

 

There was no point in debating that now though, not in the middle of a snowstorm. Was she even going the right way? What was the right way? The survivors of Haven could be anywhere. She was surely going to get lost in the Frostback Mountains and die. The thought crossed her mind that miles below her now lived the dwarves of Orzammar. Those dwarves were warm in their protective fortress, not like her, the idiot surfacer wandering around in the snow.

 

“Stupid Stone-fucking little shits.” She murmured as she trudged through the snow. Luckily, her armor was sturdy enough to keep the wet snow out of her boots, at least frostbite was not a concern and for that she thanked the Maker, Andraste, the Ancestors, and the damn stone-whoever.

 

Rey cradled her arm closer to her body. Her shoulder had become dislocated in the fall, she also assumed she had more that one broken rib as well as whatever the fuck was causing so much pain in her leg.

 

She wasn’t normally prone to cursing quite so much, even in her mind, but she found that in her current situation it felt good, it also kept her tears at bay. Crying now would only cause her face to freeze.

 

“Alright, Cadash.” She whispered to herself. “You can do this. One step at a time.  Left. Right. Left. Right.”

 

The mantra helped her distract herself from the freezing gusts slapping against her face, the agony that wracked her entire body, and the sheer hopelessness of her situation. What she wouldn’t give now for a warm fire, a soft pile of straw, and a bowl of that disgusting broth the soldiers ate at Haven. Or at least a thick coat. She closed her eyes and pictured a heavy woolen coat lined with fur. Her mind conjured the image of a man in a deep crimson mantle lined with black bear fur. The thought made her angry. _Fuck that guy._ She thought to herself.

 

It was _him_ that led her to this mess. If the commander had not been so ready to sacrifice everything in an attempt to hit the enemy, she might have managed to escape somehow. Who was she kidding? She wasn’t cut out for this “Saving the world” shit. Rey was a thug, a common thug, _not_ a savior. But in those few brief moments looking in that man’s deep brown eyes she thought she could be. She thought she could rise above her mortal failings and save those people.

 

Cullen inspired her, not just in the fleeting seconds before their supposed demise, but since the moment she arrived at Haven. Cullen made her believe that a person with a dark past could have a second chance, a chance of redemption, a chance to become something better than they were. It had been so easy to admire him.

 

But now, at the hour of her death, she hated him. She shouldn’t even be here, she should be back in Ostwick supplying rogue Templars with lyrium, hassling shopkeepers for protection money. She wasn’t a hero; she was a criminal and always would be. She cursed Darren for sending her into the bloody mountains to watch a bunch of Templars and Mages argue over their stupid war. And now she was going to die alone and in the snow pretending to be a hero.

 

She would die soon. She could feel it inside of her. The cold winds penetrated every part of her body, the pain she felt was now a gentle numbness, her mind was disoriented and she had trouble planting her feet upon the ground. She lost her footing and fell into the snow. Now she lay on her knees in the deep snow. The freezing wetness seeped through the seams of her leather britches.

 

Rey tried to stand, but her arm wouldn’t allow it, neither would her injured leg. She couldn’t catch her balance long enough to stand. She exhaled. This was the end for her. After everything she had been through, it would be the cold that finally got to her. She rested her chin against her chest and hung her head. Tears that escaped from her eyes barely made it down her cheeks before freezing on her tender skin. Despair claimed her mind, all hope drained from her body as she closed her eyes, welcoming the darkness to take over her body.

 

A sound echoed through the howling wind, faint at first but it grew. Soon it developed loud enough to eclipse the darkness that settled over her mind. Rey lifted her heavy head with great effort.

 

“Cadash?” The voice shouted against the gale. It still seemed far away, so distant that she wondered if she had not imagined it. Then from a different direction with a different voice, “Cadash!”

 

The fog lifted from her mind. Her name. They were calling her name. The tiniest spark of hope fluttered into her.

 

“Here.” She said feebly, so soft no one could have heard it. She mustered all her strength to moisten her dry throat.

 

“Here.” She said again somewhat louder, but the sound was still washed away by the blustering wind.

 

“Cadash!” The voices continued to call, then one slightly closer to her, a deep manly voice shouted above the rest.

 

“Rey!”

 

“Here!” She managed to shout. The sound of many feet running through snow penetrated her mind.

 

“She’s here!” The man shouted.

 

“Thank the Maker!” A woman replied.

 

Looming figures formed in the void in front of her. Someone crouched in front of her.

 

“Maker’s breath.” He said. “She’s hurt badly.”

 

“We should get her back to the camp, to the healers.” The woman said. “Can you carry her? She’s small.”

 

“Is that some sort of jibe?” Rey muttered hoarsely.

 

“Shh.” The man in front of her whispered as he gathered her into his arms as though she were nothing more than a child. He stood and trudged through the snow with Rey in his arms. Being so high made her dizzy; Rey closed her eyes and buried her face in the fur of the man’s coat.  The aroma of leather and sandalwood filled her nostrils and she knew who carried her so gently in his arms across the mountains. Rey closed her eyes and fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The girl awoke with a start when she heard a large crash. Her breath quickened. A cold sweat covered her body. Her long scarlet hair clung to her skin. She tried to catch her breath. Loud voices could be heard downstairs. Muffled curses and cries echoed through the oak walls.

 

She searched through the sheets furtively searching. _Where are you?_ She thought frantically just before her small fingers grazed against a wool ear. She sighed with relief as she pulled the stuffed nug from the blankets. She held it close against her chest as she slid from the mattress and onto the floor. The carpet muffled her footsteps as she padded across and soundlessly opened the door. The voices rang out clear in the dark house.

 

“What do you mean, you lost it?” Her uncle shouted. His voice made her tremble.

 

“I wasn’t there, boss. Don’t blame me.”

 

“Then who should I blame? I put _you_ in charge of those casteless thugs! It was _you_ who were supposed to make sure they got the job done and it was _you_ who let them take off with _my_ lyrium! I already accepted payment for it. Those Templars aren’t going to be too happy about this. Have you ever seen a Templar with lyrium withdrawals? They’re going to be pissed and I have half a mind to let them know whose fault it is!”

 

A crack echoed up the stairs, a man cried out in pain. The girl set down the stuffed nug by the door and crept further down the hall. Her uncle hated the nug. It reminded him of Orzammar, of the place their family could never return. She crouched by the banister railing and peered over the edge. Her uncle paced the floor, rubbing his knuckles with his other hand. A man lay on the floor groaning and trying to rise. Two of the thugs her uncle employed stood nearby silently.

 

Her uncle sighed and hung his head low.

 

“Well, Ruby. What do you think I should do with this imbecile?”

 

The girl’s eyes widened, she hadn’t know her mother was present. She craned her neck to see. There was Mama on the settee, her eyelids heavy, a glass bottle in her hand and another on the floor. Mama raised her head and regarded the man on the floor.

 

“Don’t kill him for the first mistake, Darren.” She slurred. “Kill him for the second.”

 

Her uncle stared at Mama for a moment as though considering her string of drunken words.

 

He turned to the man on the floor.

 

“Whether or not the lady meant it, she has provided an excellent solution. You will live for now, salroka. Bring me the lyrium or the heads of those casteless fools or I will have your head. And let it never be said that Darren Cadash wasn’t a sensible man.”

 

“Y..yes, boss.” The man on the floor sputtered. Her uncle smiled. It was the smile that always made her uncomfortable. His boot met the man’s face hard. He howled out as blood and teeth scattered across the floor. The girl cried out in shock. Her hand flew to her mouth to muffle her scream, but it was to no avail. Her uncle jerked his head up and saw where she sat and watched. Anger twisted in his eyes at the sight of her. He glanced at his thugs.

 

“Get this piece of shit out of my sight!” He shouted. The two men drug the wounded man through the foyer and tossed him onto the street outside.

 

Her uncle craned his neck towards her.

 

“Did you get a good show, girl?” He called. She narrowed her eyes in reply.

 

He laughed low as he turned to face her mother. “Well, get used to it. This is your life when you’re old enough.”

 

The girl stood angrily and shouted. “No it’s not! I will never work for you!” Mama shot her a look, many times she warned the girl against speaking against her uncle.

 

He turned to face her, his face red with anger. “Then what will you do, eh? If it wasn’t for that-” He gestured to the blood on the floor. “-You wouldn’t have any of this.”

 

He raised his arms and turned in the room as though showing off his regal Free Marches home. “Or would you rather go back to that shithole in the country?”

 

 _Yes._ She thought, but not daring to speak the words aloud. Her life before was so beautiful, so uncomplicated. Her uncle sighed.

 

“You remind me so much of Rory. The same red hair and you never know when to shut up. He also said that he wanted nothing to do with the family business, he said such hurtful things to me when he left. But when my baby brother died, who was it that took you in, hm? Who was it that treated you like family and gave you and your mother a nice home with a hot meal every night? Me! All I ask in return is a little respect.”

 

“Go to bed, Rey.” Her mother said softly. In the short time they lived here, her mother had known how to read the man. The girl said nothing, but turned and walked back to her room.

 

“Stupid little cunt.” Her uncle murmured.

 

“She’s only a girl, Darren. She’ll grow out of it.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Inquisitor!” The sound made her jump. Rey gasped and turned to see the commander standing before her, looking concerned. How long had he stood there while she was lost in her daydreams? Rey braced both hands on the table before her. The tavern was surprisingly empty; there were more patrons when she arrived. How long had she been sitting here lost in her own thoughts?

 

She smiled weakly. “Commander Cullen. What can I do for you?”

 

His eyebrows knit together as he sat across from her. “Are you…well, Inquisitor? I called your name a few times.”

 

 _Shit._ She thought. She already seemed incompetent for the job they saddled on her.

“I’m afraid I just haven’t adjusted to the title yet.” She laughed. “It sounds a bit strange, doesn’t it? Inquisitor Cadash?”

 

Cullen smiled wryly. “Not at all.” He said. “After Haven, no one is more suited for such a role.”

 

Rey sighed and looked away. Meeting his eyes was too much, too intense.  He always seemed to know what to say in her moments of doubt, he always had a kind word, is there any doubt that she admired him the way she did? He was not only kind, but also incredibly handsome, for a human at least. His soft brown eyes bespoke of the kindness in his heart, the sincerity. She took a deep breath and tried to control her thoughts. She had already been rejected by him once, and he still managed to be sympathetic while doing that.

 

It was laughable when she thought about it now, she flirted with him in the only way she knew how, by being overtly sexual and direct. It was a method she learned from another girl employed by her uncle, they did a few jobs together. Rey realized now that the direct manner worked better for Maurie because she was an elf, with such a petite and slender body, what man could resist such temptation? Dwarves, however, were not seen as overtly attractive by other races. Nonetheless, the method had worked for her in the past and she thought Cullen might respond favorably.

It was a manner in which someone like Cullen would not respond well to, she realized that now. He probably thought her a depraved dwarven tart. The idea worked perfectly to solidify the thought that she did not belong here.

 

Rey shook the thoughts from her head and focused on the man in front of her. “I’m sure you didn’t come here to see… whatever it is I’m doing here.”

 

Cullen smiled. “Don’t feel ashamed. Everyone needs a break. I just wanted to let you know that Master Dennet and his horses have arrived so the inquisition is now mounted.”

 

Rey smiled, her spirits lifted. “That’s great!” She said. It had been no small feat to secure the horse master, and after the defeat at Haven she was sure he would refuse her. Personally, Rey hated horses. Hated being so high off the ground made her dizzy, but it was an adjustment that she was slowly making.

 

Cullen leaned an elbow on the table and leaned on his fist. “You’ve been very busy lately. I don’t believe I have had the chance to speak with you since you were named Inquisitor.”

 

Rey inhaled. She didn’t quite know what to say to him. “There’s much work to do if we are to defeat Corypheus. But I think I’m wearing myself out.” She laughed. “How long were you standing there earlier?”

 

Cullen smiled. Rey felt her breath hitch. That smile was glorious.

 

“Only a few moments. I confess I thought you were ignoring me. Are your contemplations usually that intense? What were you thinking about?”

 

Rey didn’t want to say, didn’t want to further prove how she didn’t belong here amongst the good people.

 

“My mother.” She said tersely. Cullen nodded, sensing the sensitive subject.

 

“Perhaps you should take a break for yourself, even if only for an afternoon. It might do you good to clear your head before going into battle.”

 

“I don’t know.” Rey said, looking down at her hands. “I’ve found that the more time I have to think the worse I feel.”

 

“Then don’t think.”

 

She looked up to see Cullen give her his half smile. She smiled back and for a moment they held each other’s gaze. His smile was so reassuring that Rey felt at peace, if only for a moment. It was Cullen that broke the contact. He blinked and looked away as though distracted by a soldier walking through the tavern door. Rey searched for something to say, anything to quell the moment.

 

“I never thanked you.” She said, the thought having finally come to her.

 

“For what?”

 

“For Haven, or I guess after Haven…” Rey’s words trailed away as she realized that probably wasn’t the best thing to say. But Cullen spoke and surprised her.

“I wasn’t going to give up hope.” He said meeting her gaze with his intense stare. “Some said there was no way you could have survived, but after everything I…I refused to believe that someone like you could be killed so easily. Cassandra agreed, as did others.” He paused for a moment as he idly toyed with his gauntlet. “And we were right.”

 

Rey found herself stunned. What did he mean by ‘someone like her’? A dwarf? A criminal? Was that good? Her mind whirled with questions that she could not ask. Cullen stood, suddenly aloof in his manner.

 

“Excuse me, Inquisitor. I must return to my duties.”

 

Rey nodded and watched as the man marched out of the tavern. The man had a commanding presence, she had to give him that. He stood tall and walked heavy all while others took notice. Soldiers jumped out of his way as he crossed their path. Rey smiled. It was becoming harder not to admire that man.


	3. Chapter 3

“But overall the mission was a success, sir.” The captain stated as he finished his brief over the situation in Western Approach. Cullen nodded his head as he took the parchment from the young man.

 

“Very good, Captain. Dismissed.” The captain nodded and took off towards the barracks. Cullen read over the report as he crossed the courtyard. His brows furrowed as he read over the barely legible script. The soldiers managed to construct a bridge over the area’s sulfur pits, now the Inquisitor could easily pass through the Approach.

 

Cullen’s first thought was to immediately inform the Inquisitor, She had recently returned to Skyhold and there was no telling how soon she would leave.

 

Rey rarely stayed at Skyhold for long. She returned, rested for a few days, perhaps a week and then set off again to do the inquisition’s work. Cullen was amazed by how she was able to keep going at such a pace. Her drive and determination was something to be revered. If she had simply stayed in the carta, there was no telling how fearsome her steadfast attitude would have made her.

 

Cullen thought that he would simply send a messenger to the inquisitor with the news. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind than an exuberant laugh echoed across the yard. Cullen’s head instinctively shot up as he searched for the source. He ascended the steps that led to the tavern and there she was.

 

Rey and a small gathering sat at a wood crate outside the tavern, cards in hand. Rey smiled and let loose another laugh at whatever Varric said, he threw his arms up to emphasize a point and everyone laughed. Cullen felt his heart beat a bit faster as he watched Rey, her long scarlet hair hung loosely down her back, her emerald eyes sparkled with laughter. Cullen found it hard to take his eyes off her. Rey must have felt as though she were being watched. She looked up and their gazes met. A blush crept up her neck and she smiled meekly to him. The others turned to see what caught her eye.

 

Cullen waved nervously at the group. Cassandra and Varric waved him over. To avoid looking foolish, he quietly walked over to the group.

 

“Hey, Curly!” Varric said chuckling. “Care for a game of wicked grace?”

 

Cullen smiled and shook his head, “I’m afraid I have a lot of work to do. Speaking of which, Inquisitor…”

 

Rey looked up at the mention of her name, it was only then that Cullen could see the exhaustion in her features. Her skin was pale and dark circles rimmed her eyes. The woman needed a break, and here he was foolishly trying to give her more work.

“Er…Nevermind.” He said shoving the parchment in his pocket. It was not anything that couldn’t wait till another day. He nodded to the group.

 

“Enjoy your game.”

 

Cullen turned heel and quickly walked away. He ascended the stone steps and soon found himself safely in his office. He leaned upon the closed door and sighed. How foolish he must now seem to her, to all of them: The commander of the inquisition, a bumbling moron with no social graces. He lifted his head towards the ceiling and examined the rough planks of wood. If he was to be honest with himself he had to admit that he did harbor the smallest of infatuations for that woman.

 

He also admitted that Cullen did not have the slightest idea what to do or say to a woman that one finds himself enamored to. Cullen knew what he wanted to do, though. He found himself awake in the middle of the night thinking about her and what he wanted to do. He thought about what her lips might taste like, what her fiery hair looked like when completely unbound. He pondered over whether she would cling to him in lovemaking or score his back with her nails.

 

Cullen shook his head fiercely and paced about the room. He had to rid himself of these thoughts. They only served to frustrate him more. It wasn’t only sex that he wanted from her though, if he wanted that she made it quite clear in Haven that she was interested in him. He gritted his teeth as he remembered his blundering rejection and the hurt and confusion that crossed her face. With Rey’s beauty, he was sure she had few rejections in her past. Why had he rejected her outright without explaining himself? How hard would it have been to say: _Actually, I find that I am much more interested in a romantic relationship with you instead of one that is purely physical._

 

Cullen was terrible with words. He could give orders, inspire an army, listen to the concerns of his men. But wooing a lady proved beyond the scope of his abilities. Not that any of it mattered, he wasn’t worthy of such a woman. She was the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste, and member of the famed Cadash family. What was he? A disgraced Templar who failed to protect his charges. A man suffering from lyrium withdrawals. A man with vivid horrific nightmares from an event ten years ago. There was nothing about him that could compare to Rey. Rey was a hero, a woman who stared death in the face every day for the greater good of the world.

 

Cullen exhaled. He could wallow in self-pity any time, but it was the Inquisitor who was exhausted from her duties. How long had she been carrying on like this? Why had no one said anything? She needed to take a break, at least for her sanity.

Someone rapped at the door.

 

“Enter.” He said as he was jolted from his thoughts. Leliana strode into his office. She casually walked to the window that looked over the bridge.

 

“Have you seen any of my messengers coming in, commander?”

 

“No. But I haven’t really been looking.”

 

Leliana sighed. “They’re an hour late. I fear the worse.”

 

“Your people are good, Leliana. I’m sure they’re merely delayed.”

 

Leliana muttered something he couldn’t understand under her breath. She glanced up at him. “Am I interrupting? What are you doing?”

 

Cullen shook his head. “I was just…uh…thinking.”

 

“Of what?”

 

Cullen was on the verge of making up something to tell the spymaster, but thought better of it. “Have you seen the Inquisitor lately? She looks drained.”

 

Leliana nodded as she looked back out the window. “I have noticed, yes.”

 

“Well?” Cullen asked impatiently. “Has no one thought to say anything to her?”

Leliana narrowed her eyes. “Of course I have, Commander. Josephine as well. It seems odd that you are just now noticing this.”

 

Cullen frowned. Honestly, he tried to avoid the Inquisitor. Her presence brought up far too many conflicting emotions. And even more inappropriate thoughts.

 

“But Rey has ignored our concerns. She claims the Inquisition has far too much work for her to take a break, no matter how small.”

 

“The Inquisition will not survive without her when she collapses due to exhaustion.”

 

“As I well know, commander.” She said. Her head bobbed up as she saw something in the distance. “Oh! Here they come.”

 

Leliana turned to leave but paused as she silently regarded Cullen.

 

“Why don’t you try talking to her?” She asked. Cullen’s eyes grew wider.

 

“Me? I don’t think I…I mean I can’t…Why would she listen to me?”

A sly smile crept across the spymaster’s face. “She likes you.” She said. “She respects you and I think she would listen to you.”

 

“But…I…” Cullen sputtered.

 

“You’re the commander.” She laughed. “Be commanding.”

 

The door closed softly and Cullen was alone once again. He exhaled heavily. Why would Rey listen to him? He remembered suggesting something similar before, and being ignored by the woman. Cullen would have to think hard if he were going to achieve this.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story is going off the rails of what I originally intended. I don't plan on stopping but I may have to revamp the summary soon. 
> 
> Maybe change it to "Loosely inspired by the Kink Meme"

“So you won’t come with me?” Rey asked as she struggled to keep up with the woman. Cassandra failed to realize that the dwarf could not match her long strides.

 

Cassandra stopped and turned briefly. Her eyebrows furrowed.

“Two weeks to get to the Western Approach, we spent three weeks wandering around the desert and it took two weeks to get back. Now you want to leave again? We’ve only been at Skyhold for three days!”

 

Rey pursed her lips. Cassandra’s logic echoed off the walls of the great hall. The masons snuck a glance from their scaffolds. She inhaled and tried to think of a way to convince Cassandra. But her weary mind refused to work properly.

 

If she were to admit the truth, Rey would confess to being exhausted, but there was much to be done and her task grew more impossible everyday. A moment’s rest was long enough for whispers to creep up. Voices that spoke of her incompetence, her laziness. Silent murmurs in dark corners that said she was not worthy of the title “Inquisitor.”

 

Rey could not have the inquisition regret their decision. No. She could not stop. She could not be a failure.

 

“There is still much that needs to be done, Cassandra.” She said calmly. “I told you that we need to go…”

 

“And I told _you,_ ” Cassandra interrupted as she turned towards the front gates.  “That leaving before Leliana’s people have scouted the area is pointless, but you are too stubborn to listen.”

 

“Says the hypocrite.” A voice spoke from behind Rey.

 

“Shut up, Varric.” Cassandra called without turning. She continued her march out the hall and down the stone steps. Rey sighed and rushed after the seeker. She stepped outside; the sun warmed her cheeks. The warmth made her want nothing more than to lie in the grass beneath the sun and sleep.

 

“Cass! Wait, I…” Was all she managed before she realized that the ground beneath her feet disappeared. Her body felt suspended and for a moment Rey was flying. The moment was soon over as she felt the jagged steps hit her chest. Cassandra and Varric called her name, she could hear the rushing of many footsteps, but then the world faded to black.

 

 

 

Cullen’s shield collided with that of the recruit’s. He blinked through the sweat that dripped from his forehead. This man proved stronger than he anticipated. The force from the two men melded the shields. Cullen smirked. He stepped back on his heel and leaned away from the soldier. The man, who put far too much weight on Cullen’s shield, stumbled. Cullen took the opportunity and bashed the recruit’s shield, sending him flailing. Within a moment, the soldier had fallen and Cullen’s blunted training sword pressed against his throat.

 

Cullen chuckled quietly to himself as he handed his sword and shield to the lieutenant. “They still have a ways to go, but they’re getting better. Keep training.”

 

“Yes, Commander.” The lieutenant said. Cullen idly ran his hand through his hair as he ambled through the lines of soldiers practicing, assessing the army that they built for the inquisition. Pride filled him as he inspected the men and women who worked diligently under his command.

 

He stopped at a wooden bench and sat down heavily. He wiped his hands on his brown linen pants. He closed his eyes only for a moment when he heard her voice.

“How goes the training, Commander?”

 

Surprised, Cullen looked up to find Leliana standing beside him. Her eyes were shadowed beneath her hood as she surveyed the training yard.

 

“Many of them have never even gripped a sword, but they are making good progress.”

 

She nodded. “That is good to hear.”

 

“Is there something you needed?” He asked, Leliana taking the time to visit the training yard seemed uncharacteristic.

 

“No, Commander. I was speaking to Cassandra and noticed you as I left. I did not realize that you train your soldiers personally.”

 

Cullen frowned. He didn’t know where this conversation was heading, and he always found himself wary when talking with the spymaster.

 

“Not always, but occasionally I like to personally see their improvement.”

 

“Of course.” She said. “Commander, Do you remember our conversation we had some weeks ago.”

 

Cullen said nothing as he mulled over the endless discussion that took place over the war table.

 

“About the Inquisitor.” She supplied.

 

“Oh.” Cullen remembered. “Yes. What about it?”

 

Leliana smiled. “You certainly do have interesting techniques.”

 

Cullen’s eyebrows shot up as he realized what Leliana was accusing him of. He stood and met her gaze.

 

“You cannot possibly think that I had something to do with the Inquisitor’s accident? I wasn’t even there!”

 

Leliana laughed quietly. “I would never accuse you of such a thing, Commander. I just thought it was perhaps fortuitous. It did work to our advantage.”

 

Cullen frowned and looked away. The Inquisitor’s accident certainly had worked to keep her from collapsing of exhaustion in the wilderness. But Cullen hated to think that it took Rey breaking her leg to get her to finally take a break.

 

“I know the others…”

 

“Make way for Her Royal Inquisitorialness!” A voice rang through the training yard. Cullen and Leliana glanced up to see Rey, sitting high on the shoulder of Iron Bull, her face almost the same shade as her hair. Her arms were crossed as she ducked her head low to avoid all the eyes that now looked upon her. Sera laughed and skipped ahead. They spotted Cullen and Leliana through the crowd and made their way towards them. Rey met Cullen’s gaze and ducked her head, her face flushed a deeper shade of crimson. Cullen laughed to himself at the sight.

 

Bull set the Inquisitor on the bench that Cullen vacated only moments before. The soldiers in the yard resumed their training.

 

“I hate you both. So much.” Rey muttered as she repositioned her leg, now bound with a splint.

 

“Why?” Sera asked, “You wanted to do somethin’ fun!”

 

“No!” Rey said. “I just asked if you would help me get out of my room before I went mad from staring at the same four walls for a week! I didn’t want to be paraded about the damn courtyard.”

 

“Yeah.” Bull said. “You wanted some entertainment. So I thought, what better way to be entertained than to watch soldiers fight each other? The battle for blood and glory!”

 

“I think you’ve confused my soldiers’ practice yard for an arena.” Cullen said.

 

Iron Bull shrugged. “You take what you can get. Anyway, Boss, I promised The Chargers drinks. I’ll catch up with you later.”

 

“Yeah.” Sera said, “I gotta go too. Got things to do, yeah?”

 

And as quickly as they came, Rey’s companions left, leaving her staring after them.

 

“I would be wary, Commander.” Leliana said. “Sera has most definitely gone to pull some sort of prank in your office.”

 

Cullen frowned and grunted in agreement.

 

“Inquisitor,” Leliana continued. “If you will excuse me, I must go over the reports that my scouts have sent back.”

 

Rey’s head bobbed up. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

 

Leliana smiled. “I can handle this, Rey. You should rest. We would not want your leg to heal improperly.”

 

Rey sighed and her shoulders slumped, but she nodded. Leliana left and Cullen realized that it was just the two of them, alone. Well, not alone, they still sat at the edge of the training yard while the soldiers sparred. Rey watched them intently. Cullen shifted on his feet uncomfortably and cleared his throat.

 

“Well, Inquisitor. I uh…”

 

She glanced at him from the corner of her eyes. “Don’t you leave me too.” She said. “Then I will be stuck out here.”

 

Cullen smiled. He honestly had been trying to retreat from her. Rey’s presence addled his senses.

 

Rey scooted to one edge of the bench.

 

“Do you want to sit?” She asked. Cullen obliged.

 

Being close to her was worse. His arm brushed against hers; through the thing fabric of his muslin shirt he could feel her warmth. The cool scent of lavender flowed from her hair to his nostrils. Rey brushed a stray lock of scarlet hair from her face.

“Were you training them? You’ve worked up a sweat. I mean…” She bit off her words in a curse.

 

“I was working with them, yes.” Cullen supplied. He motioned toward her leg.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

She looked down at the leg stretched straight out before her.

 

“It doesn’t hurt too much. Hopefully in a few weeks I’ll be able to put some weight on it. ” Rey sighed.

 

“What’s wrong?” Cullen asked. Rey smiled up at him feebly. His heart quickened.

 

“I just feel ridiculous.” She said looking away. “The Inquisitor is injured falling down stairs. Not saving the world or anything, just failing at walking.”

 

Cullen chuckled. She shot him a look.

 

“You have a unique way of phrasing things.” He said in his defense. “But I would try not to worry too much about what others think. People complain, no one ever really appreciates the sacrifices that others make for them.”

 

Rey inhaled. “I know.” She said. “I just don’t want to give people more ammunition against me.”

 

Cullen was silent for a moment. “Even if you selflessly worked without end to bring down tyranny, set the world right, and end hunger people would still complain about you?”

 

Rey met his gaze; her green eyes shimmered in the sunlight. “What do you mean?”

 

He looked away from her; unable to concentrate when she looked at him like that. “I mean that people don’t complain about you personally, they don’t know you. They complain about whomever is in power. It will never change, and you shouldn’t worry yourself trying to make everyone happy.”

 

Rey sighed. “I know you’re right.” She said quietly. “I guess I just hoped things would be different.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Hmm? Nothing.”

 

For a long time there was silence between them. The echo of steel hitting against steel rang out through the courtyard. Cullen stole a glance at Rey when she wasn’t looking. Her eyes watched over the men training, but he could tell her mind was elsewhere.

 

Rey had not left Skyhold since her injury and already her complexion looked better. The dark rims beneath her eyes were gone; her cheeks looked fuller and pink. But still she wracked her mind trying to appease everyone, as though she were trying to prove to everyone that she was worthy of her title.

 

After her selfless sacrifice at Haven, Cullen thought she had already earned her title. She accomplished so much, yet it remained hollow to her, as though she were constantly trying to impress someone. She rarely joined in the revelry of her companions; Cullen couldn’t even remember a time when he saw her do something fun.

He frowned, not able to remember a time when he had done something he thought fun. He supposed they were similar in that manner, there was always something that needed to be done, and someone had to make that sacrifice. But it was easier to expect that of himself, but when he saw the toll that it took on Rey, his heart sunk.

Surely there was something he could do for her.

 

Cullen rose quickly as the thought came to him. Rey’s eyes grew large.

 

“Would you like to go somewhere?” He asked. Her eyebrows furrowed.

 

“Where?” She asked skeptically.

 

He smiled slightly. “It’s a surprise.”

 

Her lips thinned. “And how will I get there, Commander?”

 

He eyed her leg wrapped in a wooden splint. He kneeled before the bench, his back to her. He turned his head slightly,

“I’ll carry you.”

 

 

 

“You…what?” Rey stammered, staring at the commander’s strong, broad back. Sweat from training soaked the shirt, causing it to cling to his body, showing the line and indenture of every muscle.

 

“Climb on my back. It’s the easiest way to carry you there.” A hint of mischief gleamed in his eyes. “I promise I won’t make a spectacle like the Iron Bull.”

 

Her cheeks heated at the memory of being paraded through the courtyard. She couldn’t help but think that Iron Bull and Sera had left her here with Cullen on purpose. Rey glanced about at the men training in the yard; no one paid them any notice. But of course, it was well known that Commander Cullen was a stern taskmaster. She believed that no one would bat an eye at her while they were under his command. She swallowed hard and wrapped her arms about his neck, pulling herself closer to him.

 

Rey gasped as he pulled her legs about his waist and stood. She felt dizzy, and not just from the height. Cullen held her legs firmly on either side of him; he was surprisingly delicate with her broken leg. It stuck out straight ahead of them. She pressed her other leg tightly against his body. Cullen chuckled softly.

 

“I promise I won’t drop you.”

 

She opened her mouth to speak, but words never came. Her breast pressed tightly against his back, heat from his body radiated through her. His body beneath his clothing was hard and hot. Rey’s heart pounded in her chest. How was this happening? She never dreamed that she would be this close to Cullen. She coiled her arms tightly around his neck, hoping for a better view. Her own short stature made it impossible to see much. Her eyes barely peeked over the top of his shoulder.

 

It was no matter, she certainly enjoyed the view she had. She laid her head against his shoulder and watched the world pass by as he took her through the courtyard. If anyone noticed or thought it strange, they said nothing. Rey sighed with relief. Cullen’s walk was steady and determined, he never stumbled and Rey found herself being lulled into a trance by the gentle bounce of his gait. She inhaled his deep musk. The scent of sandalwood soap filled her nostrils.

 

She smiled to herself as she thought of her legs parted against his back. Her legs spread for Cullen was something she fantasized about, but certainly not like this. Rey’s body instinctively wanted to move, to squirm about until the familiar ache could be quelled. She bit her lip and tried to repress that urge. Cullen did not want her; he was merely being nice to her.

 

But how many gentlemen would take the time to carry about a woman that they didn’t like? He may like her, even enjoy her company, but there was no way he could have felt the attraction that she felt. Why would a human so handsome and strong want a stocky dwarf?

 

He took her through the various yards of Skyhold, through some of the many gardens to a small yard far out of the way. The yard was vacant and untouched. Dead brambles from long rotted plants clung to the side of the stone walls. It was far from any part of the keep that was actually in use and too small for a garden. Rey was certain she had never even been to there before. If she thought that this was Cullen’s destination, she was wrong. He shifted slightly as he reached for the latch to a large door on the outer wall.

 

“Where are we going?” Rey asked.

 

“You’ll see.”

           

            The door opened up to darkened archway and beyond that overgrown flora dominated the space outside the walls. Cullen kicked the door closed. A path that seemed recently created led them down a small hill. Rey looked up to see the giant walls of Skyhold behind her as they bounced down the path. The forest was thick on either side of them. The branches of trees twisted throughout one another, working their way over rocks and through the brush. Tendrils of ivy, reluctant to let their space be invaded, twisted their bright green leaves into the newly formed path. Rey marveled over what centuries of isolation had done to the landscape.

           

“Did you do this?” She asked, referring to the path. Cullen nodded.

 

“When we first arrived. I was wary of the wells in Skyhold. I worried that they may have somehow been contaminated. The river flows this way, and I thought it would be safe to have another water source if we needed it.”

 

Rey smiled at his practicality. She could hear the rushing of the river; it grew louder as they made their way down the hill. She propped her chin up on his back and looked to the sky. There were no clouds to obstruct the sunlight.

 

“Are we going to the river?” She asked.

 

“Not exclusively.” He said.

 

Rey sighed with feign exasperation. She actually enjoyed being this close to him and found that she could not complain too much. The path became much smoother when they reached level ground. Rey turned, the walls of Skyhold grew smaller, but not so small that she could not make out the soldiers patrolling the battlements.

 

The sound of rushing water grew louder and Rey assumed that they neared the river. The trees spread out farther, and she realized that they had arrived in a small clearing. Cullen stopped.

 

“Here we are.” He said. Rey craned her neck to see over his shoulder and gasped at the sight.

 

He led her to a small clearing, though tall, ancient trees were close enough to provide shade. Drops of sunlight trickled through their branches and danced upon the grass. The rushing water that Rey assumed was merely the river turned out to be a small waterfall. A thin stream branched out from the main river and fell over the large rocks and emptied into a small pond that lay before them.

 

The falls were not too high, if Rey had been in better health she could have easily climbed to the top of the rocks and dived in. She sighed wistfully.

 

“It’s beautiful.” She whispered. Cullen laughed lightly.

 

“I thought you might like it.” He kneeled carefully so she could sit upon the grass. Rey loosened her arms from around his neck; a sense of loss filled her as she did. Cullen stood tall and stretched his arms. His shirt rose with the movement, giving her the view of his powerful back. Rey blushed and forced herself to look away. Cullen sighed and sat heavily on the grass near her. Her eyes gazed over the falls again; she watched the pure blue water cascade over the edge and descended into white foam.

 

“How did you manage to keep this place a secret?” She asked, her voice filled with awe. Cullen smiled wryly.

 

“Scouts travel through this way, but other than that, there is no real reason for anyone to come out here.”

 

Rey contemplated the grove silently. “It’s beautiful,” She repeated. She glanced at Cullen. He sat not far away, his body reclined while he rested on his elbows. He seemed relaxed, at peace. This Cullen was different from the Cullen she knew from Skyhold.

 

He must have felt that he was being watched, he turned his head slightly to meet her gaze. His cheeks reddened a bit. Rey smiled. 

 

“I come here sometimes.” Cullen said, looking over the pond. “It helps me clear my mind. I can escape being the commander, even if just for a moment. I was thinking that you have no place to not be the Inquisitor.” He turned to her again. “So I thought that I would share this place with you. Here, you don’t have to be the Inquisitor. Here, you can be Rey.”

 

Rey looked away, she couldn’t hold his gaze. Her heart swelled at his words. She felt odd inside; strange warmth flowed throughout her body. It was not the same feeling that gripped her while she was near him; it was something different, something entirely new.

 

“Are you alright?” his voice was heavy with concern. Rey blinked away tears.

 

“When I was young,” She said in a cracked voice. “I always told my uncle that I never wanted to work for him. That I would die first. I hated the things he did. He stole, he lied, and he hurt people. I never wanted anything to do with that. But as I got older, I realized that the Cadash name allowed me to do little else. When I was old enough, he sent me on my first job. It was a dead drop. All I had to do was leave the money and go. But I hated him and I didn’t want to work for him. I took the money and ran off to Kirkwall, got a job in some noble’s kitchen. It was hard work, but I didn’t care. It was honest and my uncle was miles away. I was happy. I made friends. I went by a different name. But…”

 

Her voice cracked. “Somehow they found out who I was. They thought I was a spy. The lord’s men locked me up in the cellar. They starved me. Beat me. Demanded that I tell them who had paid me. I was terrified. Then out of nowhere, my uncle sent someone to pay them off and bring me home. I was almost grateful to see him. Almost happy to be home, but then he said. ‘Are you done playing at the little house servant?’ I realized that it was _him._ He found me and tipped off the lord. My uncle was responsible for the weeks of torture I suffered. He said it was to ‘make me tough.’ He said I was too naïve.”

 

Rey sighed. “He was right. I was naïve. For years I worked for him, doing whatever he asked. I did more jobs than anyone. I never stayed home long. And I was good. I was really good. I worked so much because I didn’t want to think about what I was doing. If I took a break, I realized what I was doing and I hated myself. I worked and I was pretty much dead inside.”

 

She paused and looked at Cullen. His eyes were wide and full of sympathy, but he said nothing. He waited patiently for her to finish. Rey wiped the stray tear from her cheek.

 

“But then I was in Haven with the Inquisition. And I was doing something good. I was helping people, helping set things right for once. But when I stopped to take a break, when I would lie down to go to sleep at night, in the quietest moments I hear my uncle’s voice. I hear him saying that I’m a criminal and all I will ever be is a thug.” She shook her head and laughed sadly. “For years I fought off the voice that told me that what I was doing was wrong, and now all I hear is that I can’t do anything else.”

 

She never noticed that Cullen moved closer to her, never realized how truly near he was until he lay his hand gently on hers where it lay on the grass. She looked up to meet his eyes. They were not filled with condemnation, nor disgust or hatred, but understanding.

 

“What you were in the past, does not define who you are now.” The words came easy to him, as though they were a familiar part of him.

 

“You have regrets?” She asked softly. Cullen nodded. Rey heard the stories about what went on in Kirkwall. She heard all the tales about the crazed Knight-Commander and her zealot Templars. Cullen spoke little of it, and he spoke even less of his time in the Ferelden Circle.

 

“What do you do?” She asked. “How do you go on?”

 

“By leaving the past where it belongs and making a better future, something you can be proud of.”

 

“I feel like such a fraud sometimes. Like everyone is just watching and waiting for me to fail.”

 

“What?” Cullen exclaimed, horrified by her words. “No one here thinks that. There are people who want you to fail. There will always be people who want you to fail. But there are thousands of people who revere you, who recognize that you are their salvation.”

 

“Don’t say that. You make me sound like Andraste. I’m not ready to be a martyr.”

 

Cullen smiled dryly. “At Haven, you almost were. But what I am saying is that without you, many of the people here wouldn’t have their life. I wouldn’t be alive if it were not for you.”

 

His words hit her hard. Rey had never considered that before, but what he said was true. She laughed shakily to take away the seriousness of the moment.

 

“At least we’re even then.” She said. Cullen smiled and moved away from her and stared over the pond.

 

“All I am trying to say is,” He continued. “That you are not a fraud. And you shouldn’t have been carrying all this around on your own. You have friends here, And I am one of them.”

 

Rey smiled. She did feel as though a heavy burden was lifted from her shoulders.

 

“Ugh!” She groaned. “You take me to this wonderful spot and all I do is complain! What about you?”

 

“Me?” He looked at her confused.

 

“Yes. How are you?”

 

“Oh.” He blushed. “I’m fine. I was a bit worried for you before. We all were. I’m glad that your injury has at least given you time to rest.”

 

“Yeah.” She said looking at the splint. “After I slept for three days, I couldn’t think of anything else to do and I still have weeks more before I can even attempt to walk.”

 

“Good.” Cullen said. Rey laughed. They settled into a companionable silence, the only sound was the rushing water of the falls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! There is more coming soon! I have many ideas. MANY, MANY IDEAS!
> 
> Also, check me out on Tumblr----https://www.tumblr.com/blog/strawberrywhorecake


	5. Chapter 5

Dorian coughed. It was the sort of cough that didn’t prelude one being sick, but rather told one’s companion that they were not paying attention. 

“Are you going to play? Or should I ask Varric?”

Cullen shook his head and looked at the man. “What? Oh.” 

He quickly made his move without considering it. Dorian sighed, while he moved his knight to take Cullen’s bishop. 

“You’re not even trying.” He said. “I don’t even have to cheat this time.”

Cullen exhaled heavily. “Sorry.” He said. “I’m afraid my mind is elsewhere.”

Dorian smiled. “Is it perhaps sitting at the table against the wall? Laughing and drinking with Sera?”

Cullen narrowed his eyes at the mage. The man was far too perceptive, or either Cullen was not adept at hiding his facial expressions. Both ideas were probable.

“It was your idea to play in the tavern.” Cullen said as he sat up straight and stretched out his neck.

Dorian’s lips pursed. “Don’t blame this on me. The gardens are full of chantry sisters. The way they stare at me makes me nervous”

Cullen laughed. “It’s probably the mustache.” He moved his next piece with more consideration. Dorian eyed the board. 

“So, have you spoken to her?” Dorian asked, his eyes twitching in Rey’s direction. Cullen was thankful that the tavern was full of raucous noise. There was no way Rey could hear what they were saying, he doubted that she even knew the two men were there. He, on the other hand, noticed her the moment he walked in. Recently, she dominated his thoughts. Since their walk to the falls it had only grown worse for him. 

She seemed more vulnerable, more like a person to him now, and less like the inquisitor. He now realized how insecure she was, and how much she was in need of affection. But he could not be the one to give her what she needed, no matter how much he wanted to. As much as he might like to pretend otherwise, she was the inquisitor and he was her commander. 

He remembered her offer in Haven. She looked up at him with her big green eyes, her upturned mouth. What she said made him blush but also excited him. Now she was the Inquisitor, and very much unattainable. But he knew with a woman like Rey that he could never be satisfied with just her body. 

“She’s the Inquisitor.” Cullen replied to Dorian’s question. “I speak to her every day.”

“Don’t be obtuse.” Dorian said. “You know what I mean.”

Cullen sighed. “There’s nothing to say.”

“You could start with ‘I find myself unable to stop staring at you. Perhaps we could find a pile of hay to tumble into.’ ”

Cullen glared at Dorian. The mage smiled. Boisterous laughter drew their attention from the other side of the tavern. Sera lay on the floor, her chair overturned nearby, clutching her sides and laughing. Rey still sat in her chair, splinted leg propped up besides her, laughing uncontrollably. 

“Oi! S’not funny!” Sera said even as she laughed herself. Rey laughed even harder. She drank from the tankard in her hand. The crimson liquid stained her lips as drops trickled down her chin. Cullen groaned inwardly at the sight of her lips dark and moist. Uncontrollable thoughts filled his mind; he wanted nothing more than to taste her lips, to lick the wine from her chin. A blush filled her cheeks and he wished it were for him. What he wouldn’t give to see how far down that blush travelled. 

Cullen forced himself to tear his gaze away. Too many thoughts like this and he would have another sleepless night. Dorian eyed him suspiciously. 

“You know,” Dorian said. “If you say nothing, then nothing will ever happen.”

Cullen broke their gaze. “That’s the way it has to be.” He said as he brought his full concentration back to their game.


	6. Chapter 6

            Rey sighed contentedly. She felt better than she had in months. Her broken leg had prevented her from accomplishing much but she found that she couldn’t complain too much. The injury had allowed her rest and the opportunity to get to know her companions better as well. In her fervor she had neglected them, expected them to work as hard as she did, but now that she had a moment to stand back and reflect she felt she was better for it.

           

            She also got to know her advisors better as well. She sat with Josephine many mornings and listen to her explain the delicate politics of Thedas. Rey being from a criminal family, understood very little of it. But she did enjoy Josephine’s company. In Haven, Rey misunderstood Josephine and assumed the woman judged the low class dwarf, but the more time spent with her, the more she came to understand what a kind woman Josephine was. She spoke little to Leliana. The Left Hand was very reticent and kept herself busy.

           

            It was difficult for Rey to get around too much but most evenings she found herself in the great hall, alone. She sat quietly at the long tables staring at the Inquisition’s throne, drinking by herself. It was on one of these nights that Cullen had idly walked through the hall, his hands laden with missives from the war room. He said nothing at first when he saw her there alone. They spoke briefly before he left for his own office to work, but the next night he was there again, and the next. Soon this had become a ritual for them, to meet in the hall after the rest of Skyhold retired.

           

            Their conversations were light, usually revolving around the events of the day or their companions. Rarely did topics stray outside of the Inquisition. Rey found herself looking forward to their evenings together far too much. She reminded herself that this meant nothing. He was her friend. Nothing more. He wanted nothing from her. But as each day went by she wanted something from him. She wanted _him._ She forced the thoughts from her head. She forced away the memory of his husky laugh, his soft brown eyes, and the light stubble that framed his mouth, a mouth that she wanted to claim.

 

            Men like that don’t go for dwarves. She reminded herself. To him, she was only a short and stocky woman. There was no way she could inspire the kind of lust that he did in her. Their meetings were nothing more than friendly and she should not get too attached to him.

 

            This was, of course, no consolation when he did not show up one evening. She sat alone, listening to the crackling of the hearth fire. Rey knew that he had no obligation to spend time with her, and it was for the best if she distanced herself. But she could not stop the pain that she felt in her chest as she sat alone that evening.

 

            The next morning the surgeon removed the splint from her leg. She tentatively bent her knee and sighed with relief when there were no sharp pains shooting through her body. Finally, things could return to normal. After weeks of rest, she was ready to go back in the field. That was of course, until that mornings briefing with the advisors.

           

            “It is fortunate that you have healed.” Josephine said. “I have managed to secure our invitations to the peace talks at Halamshiral.”

 

            Rey cringed. “Are you sure this isn’t the type of thing that I would simply make worse? Couldn’t I just pose as a guard or a servant?”

           

            Leliana shook her head. “It is of the upmost importance that the Inquisitor make an appearance.”

 

            Rey bit her lip and nodded. “I understand.”

 

     They spoke briefly of the grand ball and what would take place there. Rey noticed that Cullen avoided eye contact with her throughout the meeting, and kept a professionally distant tone that she had not heard from him in some time. When the meeting ended Josephine and Leliana left together, discussing Orlesian fashion. Rey listened in a bit, but found it much to foreign to her. She didn’t even know what a pinafore was, much less why it was out of fashion. Cullen lingered behind.

 

     “Inquisitor?” He called softly as she was almost out the door. Rey turned to see Cullen standing near the war table. He shifted his feet.

 

     “Do you have a moment?” He asked.

 

     Rey nodded not trusting her voice to hide the emotions that she felt or the confusion.

 

     “I just wanted to apologize for last night, for not showing up.”

 

     Rey shook her head. “You don’t owe me an apology. You weren’t obligated to spend time with me.”

 

     He smiled somewhat. “Well, still…I feel like I should…” He paused in his stammered words. “I was not feeling well. A bit of a headache. It happens sometimes.”

 

     Rey’s eyebrows furrowed. “I’m sorry.” She said. “Are you feeling better now?”

 

     He nodded. “I just didn’t want you to think I was…avoiding you.”

 

     “Not at all.” She lied.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Rey leaned upon the railing on the balcony and sighed. Exhaustion from the night crept into her body. She folded her arms on the balustrade and rested her head there. The music from the Winter Palace floated around her and through the yard below. A gentle breeze rustled through the trees. She exhaled, thankful that it was over. The empress saved, the Grand Duchess defeated and the nobles appeased for now.

She stretched out her leg a bit. The recently healed leg did not fare well this evening. The pain that shot up her thigh told her that she did far more than her body was able at the moment.

 

“There you are.” A familiar voice said behind her. Her heart jumped.

 

“Hey, Cullen.” She replied without lifting her head. He came to stand beside her and leaned on the railing.

 

“Everyone’s looking for you. Are you alright?”

 

Rey turned her head slightly to meet his gaze; Cullen’s eyes were filled with concern. She smiled.

 

“I’m exhausted.” She said. “It was a long night.”

 

            He nodded. “I’m glad you’re well.” He said softly.

           

            “You were quite popular tonight.” She said. Cullen’s mouth screwed up.

           

            “Ugh.” He said. Rey smiled. “It was miserable. I’ll be quite happy if we never set foot here again.”

 

            “Me too.” She said as she remembered the nobles’ comments about her when they arrived. As if the man could sense what she was thinking, Cullen asked:

 

            “Is something troubling you.”

 

            Rey sighed. “Yes, But it’s stupid.”

           

“Tell me.” He said as he leaned in further on the banister.

 

Rey bit her lip and leaned up a bit. “It’s just… the way they talked about me. They say things to each other, but make sure that I can hear what they say. It’s…I don’t know why it upsets me.” She stood up straight and put on her best Orlesian accent.

“A dwahf? Ze Maker does ‘ave a sense of humehr, doesn’t ‘e?”

 

Cullen laughed. Loudly. The sound was unfamiliar and took her aback. Yet, it was glorious. She smiled.

“What?” She asked smiling. “Was my accent that bad?”

  
“No.” He said, as he settled down. “It was spot on, actually.”

 

Rey chuckled as she leaned against the railing. Cullen sighed.

 

“Don’t worry about the Orlesian nobles.” He said. “They take nothing seriously and live to cut each other down. ” 

 

“I know. I just…” She paused. “I got that feeling again. Like I didn’t belong. Everyone staring at me and I felt so…”

 

 _Lonely_ was the word she stopped herself from saying. A feeling that had been brewing inside her for her entire life, the feeling that she suppressed. Only now it had a name, but she could not voice it. Not to Cullen. She turned her head away and leaned again on her folded arms.

 

Cullen said nothing. Rey never even heard him move, but she gasped as she felt his arm circle her back. Wordlessly he pulled her close to his side. Rey shut her eyes tight as she leaned into his embrace. His body was warm and hard, but there was tenderness as his hand rested on her shoulder, his thumb making idle circular motions against her jacket. They said nothing. Rey could think of nothing to be said in this moment. She wanted to thank him for this, but she knew words could not do it justice. Even if it was just for a moment, Rey felt treasured. Wanted. They stayed like that for some time, his arm around her as they looked into the gardens.

 

It was only when they heard Sera’s rowdy laughter did he break away.

 

“We should go make sure Sera isn’t telling any vulgar jokes to the dowager again.” Cullen muttered. Rey laughed and they made their way inside the palace.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is slightly NSFW

Rey flew backwards and landed hard on the ground.

 

“Ach!” She cried as pain shot through her body.

 

“How did you not see that coming?” Cassandra asked. Rey glared at the seeker.

 

“Because you’re too damn fast.” She muttered. “How do you do that?”

 

Cassandra smirked as she sheathed her sword and dropped her shield to the ground. She rubbed her shoulder.

 

“I think I have had enough sparring for the day.”

 

Rey nodded as she stood uneasily, waves of pain shot up her backside.

 

“I think you broke my ass.” She said. Cassandra snorted. Rey sighed and sheathed her daggers in the hilts at her side. Cassandra was tough. The woman relied on brute strength to win over her foes. Rey used her size and speed to her advantage and tried to take down her enemy’s weak points before they even knew she was there.

 

“I heard Josephine wants to have a ball.” Cassandra said.

 

Rey groaned. The ambassador had mentioned it several mornings before.  Rey hated the thought. She remembered how out of place she felt at the Winter Palace. Josephine assured her that it would be small, merely a fete to honor the support of the Inquisition, or at least the more important supporters.

 

“Don’t think you can escape.” Rey told the seeker. “I can’t go through that alone.”

Cassandra smiled at that. “The thought did cross my mind.”

“She’s even bringing in an Orlesian modiste.” Rey continued. “I can’t even remember when I last wore a dress.”

 

“That will be something to see.” She stretched her arm and spoke of a bath. Rey waved as she walked away.

 

She turned slightly when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. _Cullen._  Her mind knew instantly. Over the past few weeks she had become keenly aware of her body’s reaction to him, it had grown, intensified. She also felt something stronger growing inside of her, something she did not understand. A warmth spread even now as she thought of him. She thought of his kind words, the way his hands would idly brush against her arms. She thought of the quiet intense way he stared at her when he thought no one was watching.

 

These things excited her, and confused her. She knew he didn’t want her. He had told her so. She also knew how unattractive she must appear to him. Dwarves were not attractive, she was not lean and willowy like Sera, nor was she strong, hardened muscle like Cassandra. She was short. She was plump, even for a dwarf. Rey sighed. Thinking on these things would only worsen her mood. Instead she looked to see where Cullen went. She watched from the courtyard as he made his way up the stone steps to his office. His golden hair reflected the orange sunset. He shut the door to his office, a bit too forcefully. Rey pursed her lips together. Something seemed off about his movements, his gait.

 

She followed the same path as he, up the stone steps to the ramparts and stopped quietly outside his door. She could hear his heavy pacing on the floor, his muttered curses. Her brows furrowed. Something was wrong. She knocked quietly on the door.

 

“Go away!” Was his immediate response, in a tone not quite his own. Rey was undaunted. She opened the door.

 

Inside, Cullen was bent over his desk, his head hung low as he gripped the edges of the desk, as though he might fall if not for its sturdiness.  

 

“I said…” He turned slightly and bit off his words in a curse when he saw her. “Inquisitor…” He began, as though he had not been calling her by her name for weeks.

 

“Cullen?” She began, tentatively walking towards him. “What is wrong?”

 

He turned his head to meet her gaze. Sweat beaded on his brow, his eyes were filled with…Rey couldn’t quite name it, fear? It didn’t seem right.

 

“It’s…” He sighed. “Without the lyrium…” His voice trailed off. Rey shut her eyes. _Idiot._ She thought. How could she have forgotten? How could she have not seen the signs before? Of course he was suffering. She took a step towards him, she reached to place a hand on his arm, he shrugged her off roughly and stormed away.

 

“Don’t.” He said harshly. Rey felt her heart clench. “You should be questioning what I’ve done. I’ve put everything we have worked so hard for at risk.”

 

He paced idly about the room. His breath coming in short bursts. He rarely mentioned his time in the Ferelden circle, but now he rambled on so that Rey could hardly keep up.

 

“I want nothing more to do with that life. But I cannot serve the Inquisition like this. I should be taking it.”

 

“No!” Rey said quickly. He shot her a look. But she knew what would happen. Memories flooded back to her. All the Templars she smuggled lyrium to over the years. Young men and women looked haggard and old. They traded every last coin they had for a taste. Their memories were faded, their speech slurred. She couldn’t bear to think of him like that.

 

“It doesn’t have to _be_ about the Inquisition.” She said. “Is this what _you_ want?”

 

Anger flashed in his amber eyes. “It doesn’t matter what I want. If I can’t serve the Inquisition, then you will find someone who can. And I can’t…”

 

His voice trailed off. Rey didn’t know what he was trying to say.

 

“So that’s it?” She said. “One bad day and you go right back to it?”

 

He could hear the ire in her voice. He glared at her. “This isn’t one day. It’s…These memories have always haunted me. If I cannot…”

 

She stepped towards him and reached out again. Laying her hand on his.

           

            “You can.” She whispered. He stared at their hands for a moment. His breathing resumed a normal pace.

 

            “Rey.” Her name came out of him in a breathy whisper. Her heart quickened.

           

“I…” He continued. “I need a moment.”

 

Rey nodded and silently left the room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cullen groaned inwardly as Josephine eagerly discussed the details of her _small_ party. It was quickly becoming apparent that their ideas of small differed. Cullen wanted to protest this silly political move, but Josephine already thought him rather barbaric and he thought better not to solidify this thought.

Rey stood silently as she listened to the ambassador drone on. Occasionally she would nod but she seemed as disinterested as he. Cullen studied her face. She masked her emotions well. He had not spoken to her privately since the day she came to see him. He felt childish, having lashed out at her and for having allowed her to see him in such a state.

 

He remembered that afternoon vividly. She had listened and offered her unwavering support in the end. He could think of nothing that he did to earn her understanding when he only expected censure. He felt his chest expand and he forced himself to look away.

 

“…If there is nothing else then.” Rey said as Cullen came back to reality. The advisors shook their heads. Rey nodded and began to leave the room. “Then please excuse me.” She said rather quietly before she left. Cullen wanted to follow her, he wanted to chase after her. But he didn’t. Leliana held him there for almost an hour longer discussing the new set of ruins her people scouted.

 

As soon as they parted he set off to find Rey. She was not in her quarters, nor with Cassandra. She was not in the tavern. Cullen crossed his arms as he tried to think about where she could have run off to, then the thought hit him and he felt rather foolish.

 

She sat on the edge of the pond, watching the falls. If Rey heard Cullen approach she said nothing. Silently, he sank to the ground, only an arms length away from her. She nodded slightly in acknowledgement of him.

 

“Rey, I’m…” He planned his apology, hoping to word it in a manner that smoothed things over. But now, with the sunlight illuminating her red hair, and her peach skin glowing, he found that his words fled him. “I’m sorry.” He said with a sigh. Rey turned and seemed surprised.

 

“For what?” She asked with a slight smile. Cullen’s eyebrows knit together.

 

“For the other day, I wasn’t quit myself.”

 

Rey smiled. It was soft and understanding. Cullen repressed the urge to kiss her smiling lips.

 

“You’ve done nothing wrong.”

 

Cullen sighed with relief. He had been sure he evoked her disappointment. Or even her disgust. But she only offered him her understanding, her acceptance. Emotions he didn’t know he had clouded his mind.

 

“I trust you’re feeling better, though.” She said, waking him from his thoughts. He nodded.

 

“I am. I…” He blushed and looked away from her gaze. “I never told anyone about what happened in the circle. Never wanted to. I wasn’t the same after that. I’m not proud of the man I became, but at least now I can put some distance between what happened.”

 

Rey exhaled and smiled. “Well, I like who you are now, if that makes a difference.”

 

Cullen felt his eyebrows knit together. “Really?” He asked incredulously. “After…all that?”

 

Rey laughed and leaned back on her hands. Her short body stretched out on the grass. Her breasts heaved as she breathed, her skin flushed from the sunlight. Her long scarlet hair slipped from her shoulder and dangled carelessly behind her. Cullen forced himself to look away from her. She was becoming too much to bear.

 

“It’s not as though you’ve always seen me at my best.” She said. “And you’re still here.”

 

He chuckled. “What brings you out here? Needed an escape?”

 

She gave him a half smile and looked over the pond. “I’m hiding from Josephine and her modiste.” She scrambled to her feet and walked to the edge of the water. Rey watched the pond lap over the toes of her boots. “That woman wants to put me in heels. I’ll die. And the dress she started for me.” Rey visibly shivered. “Well, it’s probably not made for the mountain air. I’ll be lucky if my tits don’t fall out by the end of the night.”

 

Rey blushed immediately as she realized what she said. Cullen snorted with laughter. She joined with her own nervous laughter.

 

“Ugh. Just forget I said that.” She said stepping towards him. Cullen gave her a smirk.

 

“I’ll try.” He said. “But I do think I would like to see that.”

 

Now it was his turn to blush. “I meant the dress part, not the…other part.”

 

Rey laughed delightedly. She stepped even closer, their bodies almost touching. She kept her hands by her side; Cullen fisted his in the grass beneath him to keep from pulling her to him. His heart beat frantically and he prayed she couldn’t hear it.

 

She smirked.

 

“What?” He asked bemused.

 

“I’m taller than you.” She said. “Is this what it feels like to be human?” She looked about her. “Yes. I feel superior already.”

 

Cullen laughed softly. Finding it harder and harder to focus on what she was saying. She was too close to him for comfort. He feared that the long she stood there, the more likely he was to make a stupid decision. He felt her hand in his hair. She dug her fingers through the curls and softly rubbed his scalp, mussing his hair as she did. Cullen resisted the urge to lean into her touch.

 

“Has anyone ever told you that you are far too serious?” She whispered, her gaze growing heavy.

 

“Yes.” He said quietly as he reached for her hand that dangled at her side. He took it lightly in his hand, brushing a thumb over her knuckles. “Almost everyone I know.”

 

She leaned down to reach him, falling into his lap in the process. One hand she kept clasped with his while the other twined around his neck. He groaned when their lips met. Wrapping his arms around her tightly, he pulled her until there was no air between them. He cursed his armor. He thought of her light leather jerkin and cotton tunic. Without his breastplate he could have felt her ample bosom pressed against his chest, could have marveled in the feel of her hardening nipples.

 

Rey took complete control as she straddled his lap. She ran her tongue along his bottom lip. Cullen opened his mouth to let her devour him. He found he no longer cared about whether she wanted him or merely someone to soothe an ache. He wanted her too much at this point to resist her any longer. He ran his palms down her sides, resting for a moment on her plump derriere before moving up and skimming the bare skin beneath her tunic. She gasped at the touch, breaking their kiss.

Cullen laughed softly as he moved; trailing kisses along her jaw and down her neck. He softly bit the skin just above her shoulder blade; Rey jumped, but then mewled with pleasure as he laved the spot with his tongue. Her hands still fisted his hair, as though she were holding on for dear life. He moved his hands up her bare back as she arched against him. He only wished that he had not worn gloves, he longed to feel her warm skin against his own.

 

She moved her hands to his cheek, pulling him away from the assault on her body. She turned his face towards her. Her eyes had darkened to a deep emerald. The passion Rey felt apparent in her face. She took his mouth again. Slowly consuming him from within. He brought his hands further up, grazing on the hard fabric of her bodice. He lightly ran his thumb over the swell of her breast. She gasped and broke their kiss. She removed her hands from his hair and reached down for the ties to his trousers. He groaned as her hands brushed over his growing erection.

 

A large crash broke them both out of their haze. They jumped and looked to the direction of the noise. Small animals scampered away from a broken branch that had fallen not too far from them. Rey gave a small relieved laugh. But Cullen looked anxiously out over the woods that surrounded them. It would not be impossible for someone to be hiding amongst the trees. Leliana’s people had shown they could do so easily without anyone being the wiser. He glanced at Rey, what if someone saw her like this? His hands beneath her shirt, hers on his pants, their hair mussed and ragged. Her lips were swollen from his kisses, her skin red from his stubble. She was beautiful. She was the Inquisitor. She deserved better than this, better than a field. He wanted her so badly that he couldn’t think, but he refused to take her in the dirt, in the open, where anyone might see her.

 

She moved again and brushed her lips against his. He pulled away and held up his hands.

 

“Wait, Rey.” He said. “We can’t. Not…”

 

Hurt and confusion filled her eyes, her brows furrowed. Cullen never finished his sentence. She pushed him away hard and stood, tucking her shirt back into her pants.

“Rey, Please listen. I…”

 

“Shut up!” She spat. “I don’t want to hear whatever noble excuse you have this time.”

 

She clapped her hands over her head and groaned with frustration. “I don’t understand.” She said angrily. The hurt in her eyes gone. “You refused me before, but then there was the looks, the conversations, the touches. I thought maybe…” Her voice faded out. “And then this.” She waved at where they had just been intertwined. “I thought you wanted…” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I’m the idiot who’s been fooling herself. Why would someone like you want someone like me.”

 

The hurt in her voice broke him. He tried to stop her. Tried to explain himself, but she wouldn’t listen.

 

“Rey, Listen to me. I only meant…”

 

“I don’t care!” She shouted. “Just leave me alone.”

 

Rey stormed up the path quickly. He let her go, because it was all he could do for her.


	9. Chapter 9

The door to his office slammed shut. Now, finally alone, Cullen released an anguished shout. He paced heavily along the floor. The sound of his stomping echoed through the air. He clenched his fists. Why didn’t he explain himself to her? Why couldn’t she listen? Why was it so hard to tell her how he felt? Why did everything have to be so complicated when it came to Rey? He remembered the hurt in her eyes, in her voice. It broke his heart. He would rather her be angry than hurt.

 

He slammed his fist against the bookcase, sending several tomes to the floor. What did he do now? What could he do? The damage was done. He heard the door open and close with a soft click. He turned to see Dorian leaning against the frame, eyeing him curiously.

 

“This is not the time, Dorian.”

 

“I would assume not. But there are several frightened soldiers with reports to deliver to you.”

 

Cullen took in a deep breath. He could not let this interfere with his work. He could not abandon everything he worked so hard for.

 

“I…only need a moment.”

 

Dorian was silent for a beat.

 

“You look terrible, Commander.”

 

Cullen rolled his eyes. “I have no doubt of that.”

 

“Almost as bad as the Inquisitor.” Dorian continued. “Imagine what I must think. First, I see Rey looking very disheveled and upset storming through the courtyard. Then I see you very disheveled and upset storming through the courtyard.”

 

Cullen inhaled deeply. “You’re perceptive. What’s your point?”

 

Dorian’s lip curled. “How could you mess up something so easy, Cullen? She likes you, you like her. All you had to do was tell her, or bed her. From the looks of you, it seems like you tried at least.”

 

Cullen’s fists clenched involuntarily. Anger rose inside of him.

 

“What do you want me to say? That I fucked up? Fine. I fucked up.”

 

If Dorian was shocked by the commander’s rare use of vulgar language, he didn’t show it. He merely stood there calmly regarding the man.

 

“How are you going to fix it?” He asked steadily.

 

“I don’t know if I can.” Cullen’s voice trembled as he said the words. The truth hit him hard. He didn’t know if things could ever be repaired between them now. She had been his friend, someone he trusted. He had so very few friends. Now he lost her.

 

“She’s been used by others her entire life.” Cullen said defeated. “Now I’m just another name on that list.”

 

“I don’t believe that.” Dorian said. “I think you just need to show her. You’re afraid of rejection. That someone will see what you truly are and leave. But she’s already seen who you are. She knows about your past, your regrets and she still stuck by you as a friend. You literally have nothing to lose.”

 

Cullen sighed. But said nothing. He knew, in some part of him, that Dorian was right. It was just more difficult to follow through on the advice, especially since she probably would never want to speak to him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I look ridiculous” Rey said tersely looking in the mirror. Sera sat on Rey’s bed looking idly through a book. When Rey spoke she looked up and squealed.

 

“No! You’re all sparkly, yeah? Everyone will notice, and they’ll be forced to see that the Inquisitor is a dwarf criminal. Dwarf-inal.”

 

Sera laughed maniacally and Rey rolled her eyes.

 

“You’re forgetting the fact that I don’t like being noticed. Or looked at. Or being the center of attention. This is too much.” Rey turned and looked at herself in the mirror.

 

The dress itself was beautiful; Rey just didn’t think that she could pull it off. The gown was a deep midnight blue, accented by the silver rhinestones scattered throughout the fabric. They reflected the light when she moved. Silk wrapped in layers about her not too narrow waist and flowed down past her ankles. The neckline plunged deep, giving off a scandalous view of her décolletage. She feared that if she moved to quickly or bent over that her breasts might escape the thin fabric.

 

She smiled to herself, at least that would give them something to talk about in Orlais. It felt strange to see herself dressed like this. She almost felt pretty in the dress. And the deep blue contrasted well with her dark red hair.

 

“I think this is too fine of a dress for me. Maybe I should ask her to make it simpler.”

 

“Oh, will you shut it?” Sera said. “Just enjoy being a sparkly princess for the evening.” Sera stood and walked towards Rey, eyeing her in the mirror with a strange look.

 

“And I’m sure your Cully-Wully will love it.” She cooed. Rey frowned at her in the mirror.

 

“He’s not _my_ anything.” _And he never will be._ She didn’t add.

 

Sera threw her hands in the air and groaned. “Ugh! Why are you being so stupid? One little tiff and you’re calling quits? That’s stupid.”

 

“How do you even know anything about it?” Rey turned and asked indignantly.

 

“Everyone knows. It’s clear as balls.” Sera said matter-of-factly. “The two of you are the only ones too blind to see it.”

 

Rey groaned and stomped off, staring out the window. That afternoon in the grove had been weeks ago but Rey could still feel his touch on her skin. His mouth ignited fire on her body. Every caress and kiss only intensified the want she felt for him, and even now it still lingered. She still lay in bed at night, alone, unable to sleep from the lust that still ravaged her body.

 

She shut her eyes against the embarrassment she felt. She had been such a fool that day. She had been frightened and ashamed. She railed and screamed and refused to let him speak. Refused to hear his reasons. She had been too hurt at the time. Rey now realized that the few brief moments she spent in Cullen’s arms were more glorious than she could have ever imagined.

 

Now she was too humiliated, too embarrassed to even talk to him. And Cullen obviously had enough with her, he barely even looked at her and when they spoke of Inquisition matters they used a cold, terse tone with each other.

 

Rey sighed. “Sera, how did I screw up this badly?”

 

Sera huffed. “Beats me. If you had done what I said, this wouldn’t be a problem.”

 

Rey couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her. “You said I should just wait in his bed naked.”

 

“Yeah! And if you’d done that, you could be knobbing the commander’s brains out instead of whining to me.”

 

Rey sighed. “That would be nice.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just posted a chapter yesterday so I wanted to wait before posting this one but It's been raining for like 4 days and I haven't really gone outside and I just drank a giant monster and NOW IM ALL JACKED UP AND JUMPING AROUND THE DAMN HOUSE! AND I NEED TO POST IT NOW. 
> 
> NSFW!

Cullen groaned. He was not enjoying himself at all. Josephine’s “small” ball had more than a hundred people in attendance. Josephine insisted it was a modest affair, but Cullen did not agree. He sighed, once again he attracted a following of people intent on speaking to him. He tugged at the sleeves of his formal jacket wondering how it seemed to grow tighter every time he put it on.

 

He scanned the room for a familiar face. Dorian stood not far from the refreshments, ensuring that he always had a fresh glass of wine. Varric had admirers of his own and he was all too eager to regal any of his tales as they gasped and awed. Cassandra stood not far off pretending she wasn’t listening. Leliana stood quietly aloof, watching the proceedings from a distance. Josephine was delighted and took the time to speak to every lord, knight and squire in attendance.

 

He only noticed far too late that Josephine was heading in his direction. She probably wanted him to entertain some dowager with wandering hands. He shuddered at the thought. She was far too close for him to make an escape, so he merely stood and waiting for whatever punishment she had in mind.

 

“Cullen,” She spoke in a hushed tone when she neared him. “Have you seen the inquisitor?”

 

Cullen frowned and shook his head. He had not seen Rey all evening. He also had not been looking either. He tried to avoid her since that day at the grove. Everything he wanted to say evaporated in fear when he saw her. They barely spoke unless it was on Inquisition matters. Rey made no effort to speak to him therefore he assumed that she did not wish to.  So, to the supreme displeasure of Dorian, he said nothing. He knew he was a fool, but he was also stuck in a very complicated situation of which he had little experience.

 

“Surely she is planning on coming.” Josephine whispered frantically.

 

Cullen smirked. “No matter how much she didn’t want to come, I doubt she would snub your party.”

 

Josephine’s shoulders relaxed slightly. “I do hope you’re right, commander.”

 

A commotion brewed up across the floor, people gathered and whispered excitedly.

“Ah. There she is.” Josephine muttered before making her way towards the blossoming crowd. Cullen stood silently and waited, watching to see if he could catch a glimpse of her. The crowd parted, and a much shorter figure appeared at Josephine’s side, listening intently to the woman’s whispers. For a moment Cullen didn’t realize who Josephine spoke to, but as her laugh echoed above the noise he knew it was Rey.

 

“Sweet Maker.” He muttered as he watched Rey in her gown that could only be described as sinful. Folds of deep blue cascaded from her waist, silk wrapped about her body, showing off her ample curves. Two thin straps alone kept the dress on her body. The neckline plunged low, giving off a delightful view of her breasts. Cullen groaned inwardly. There should be laws against dresses like that. Candlelight glimmered off the dress with every move she made. Her scarlet hair, normally braided and down her back, was piled on top of her head in an intricate design with a few loose locks dancing about her neck.

 

“You should close your mouth, commander. You look like a barbarian.” Dorian’s quiet drawl woke him from his fog. “With that dress, she might be more popular than you this evening.”

 

Dorian was right; she already had a group of men and women admiring her, all vying for her attention. Josephine hurried off to greet someone else, leaving Rey alone.

 

“She hates it.” Cullen muttered. Her smile was strained and her eyes joyless. He knew she hated crowds, he remembered how uncomfortable she was at the Winter Palace. When she had been forced to be in the ballroom, she had stayed near Cullen. They banded together in their discomfort. The memory twisted his heart. They had been friends, but now…

 

“They’re positively leering at her.” Dorian muttered. “You should go save her.”

Cullen frowned. He did hate the way some of the men stared at her. They leaned low to speak to her, and took the advantage to lecherously stare at her generous bosom that was on display thanks to her daring dress.

 

“I doubt she would welcome my help.” He replied.

 

“Judging from her face,” Dorian said taking a sip from his wineglass. “I think she would rather be talking to an archdemon.”

 

Cullen opened his mouth to respond, but was stopped when he saw a man blatantly brush a hand over Rey’s backside. She jumped and turned. Cullen looked forward to watching her thrash him, but she only laughed uncomfortably. Her eyes belied her merriment, though.

_Of Course,_ He thought. Josephine spent hours telling them of the delicate relations with these people, and expressed not offending them. Rey was trying to be civil. She was sacrificing herself to keep the peace with the corrupt wealth. Before he realized it, Cullen was marching towards her in a fury followed by the sounds of Dorian’s snickering.

 

Rey saw him coming. Her eyes filled with something similar to relief and Cullen felt his heart beat faster. He glared at the crowd standing around her, many of them stepped back. He knew he could look intimidating when he wanted to and thought to use that to his advantage.

 

“Inquisitor,” He spoke loud in an overly cordial voice. “I believe Leliana requires your presence, she has asked me to escort you.”

 

He held out his arm and winked to her. She smiled, a genuine smile that warmed him.

 

“Of course, commander.” She turned to those about her. “If you will excuse me.”

 

Rey took Cullen’s arm and he led her away from the crowd.  She squeezed his arm.

 

“Thank you.” She whispered. Cullen covered her hand with his free hand. But quickly removed it.

 

“Where shall I take you?” He asked surveying the room for a vacant area.

 

“Anywhere.” She replied. “I know Josephine was looking for me, but I’ve been trying to shake those grabby assholes for an hour at least.”

 

Anger rose up in his throat at the thought. “I’m surprised you didn’t trounce them.”

 

She laughed. “I’m trying to be good tonight.” She said. “For Josephine, at least.”

 

He led her to a balcony, nearly deserted. She released his arm and leaned on the railing, breathing the night air in deeply. Her dress shimmered in the moonlight and she looked like the night sky itself. She closed her eyes and sighed. A cool breeze rustled through the yard. Rey folded her arms across her chest, hugging herself for warmth. Cullen resisted the urge to pull her to him, to envelop her in his body.

 

When Rey opened her eyes and saw his intense gaze, she blushed. Cullen forced himself to look away. Errant clouds passed over the full moon. Darkness settled on them for a moment before the clouds passed.

 

“Cullen.” She said quietly. “I just wanted to say, I’m sorry.”

 

His head shot back up, his eyebrows knit together. “I…you have nothing to be sorry for. It’s me. I should apologize.”

 

She shook her head and bit her lip. “I acted childish. I should have…”

 

“Inquisitor!” Josephine cried as she stuck her head out the glass doors. “Do come and meet the Marquis.”

 

“Which marquis?” Rey muttered. Cullen smiled.

 

“I better go.” She said with a sigh. She stepped away from the balcony, but before she could get too far Cullen took her hand. His grasp was light, she could have easily pulled away if she wanted, but the look in his eyes kept her there.

 

“Before you go, Could we talk? Later, I mean. Or tomorrow. Or just…” His voice trailed off in uncertainty. Rey smiled and gave his hand a squeeze.

 

“Yes.” She said quietly. “I would like that.”

 

He gave her a half smile as she turned and followed Josephine into Skyhold.

 

 

 

 

 

Rey settled down on the plush carpet before her fireplace. She kicked off the slippers that plagued her all evening long and sighed with relief. Music from the party drifted in through the open balcony doors. She had snuck out of the ball a bit early, but it was too taxing to deal with so many people for so long. Cullen had managed to save her once, but he disappeared long before she managed to.

 

She smiled as she remembered his timely rescue and the primal look in his eyes. Rey was overjoyed that he didn’t hold a grudge against her, but she still found herself unsure. She had no idea what he wanted or where any of this could possibly go. Rey exhaled and stared into the fire, letting the orange flames clear her mind.

 

Soft, slow footsteps echoed up the stairs to her quarters. Surely now someone had come to drag her back to the ball.

 

“There you are.” He said, his voice deep and quiet. Rey felt her eyes grow round at the sound of Cullen’s voice. He walked slowly across the rug to stand near her.

 

“Have you come to summon me back?” She asked warily. He chuckled.

 

“No. I would never do something that horrible to you.” Rey smiled at the humor in his tone.

 

“Can I sit with you?” He asked hesitantly. Rey nodded and Cullen sat beside her, his much longer legs stretched out before the fire. His arm brushed against hers and Rey felt that familiar burn inside of her.

 

It was rare to see him out of his armor, and his tailored coat did well at showing off his broad shoulders. His pants were tight too, tight enough to show how thick his thighs really were.

Rey blinked and looked away. She forced herself to think of something other than how good her commander looked in his formal outfit. They sat in a comfortable silence for some time before Rey spoke.

 

“I’ve missed you.” She said softly, still avoiding his gaze. She felt him shuffle beside her.

 

“As did I.” He replied softly. “I…um…I wanted to speak to you. About…About _us_.”

 

Rey nodded and met his gaze. “I’ll listen.” She said. “I promise I won’t interrupt or run off or start screaming.”

 

He smiled at that as he looked back to the fire. “I don’t even know where to start.” He muttered. “I have to admit, I’m not very…experienced in these matters. I mean _romantic_ matters. I mean…” He sighed. “Blast it. I can’t even talk about how I feel without making it sound so…”

 

“Formal?” She offered.

 

“Yes.” He sighed. “The truth is that this part is very foreign to me. It’s been so long since I’ve wanted anyone in my life. I didn’t plan to find that here. I never planned to find you.”

 

Rey blushed at the implications of his word. She looked away, finding his gaze and honest words far too intense. She fisted the fabric of her gown.

 

“But before…” She said softly. “You turned me down…”

 

Cullen sighed. “The offer was quite tempting.”

 

“You mean vulgar.”

 

Cullen smiled. “I thought it was rather eloquent. I’ve never had someone offer to…what was it you said? ‘Unstarch my trousers’?”

 

Rey groaned and lowered her head. She could feel her cheeks heating up.

 

“Is that really what I said? I may have been drunk.”

 

Cullen chuckled and placed his arm around her, pulling her closer to him. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to be enveloped in his scent.

 

“You said it was tempting.” She whispered through the fog that enveloped her mind. “Why didn’t you accept?”

 

He was quiet for a moment. Rey listened to the steady rhythm of his breathing.

 

“Even then I knew that wouldn’t be enough for me.” He said steadily. “One night of you will never be enough. I want all of you.”

 

Rey’s heart beat faster. An uncontrollable shudder wracked her body.

 

“Then what stopped you before?”

 

He stiffened as she spoke. She knew she didn’t have to clarify. He knew what she spoke of.

 

“A moment of guilt, I suppose.”

 

Rey pulled away slightly and looked at him confused.

 

“What I mean to say is…” He paused as though gathering his words. “You’re the Inquisitor. An important person. You’re important to me. I felt like you deserved better.”

 

Her heart clenched and she looked away. She didn’t want him to see the tears forming in her eyes. He thought _she_ deserved better than to have her legs spread in the dirt? Did he not know who she was? What she was? The way he treated her, spoke to her, touched her, it was unlike anything she was used to.

 

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

 

“You talk like I’m a lady, like I’m something fragile and precious. If you keep talking like that I might forget what I am. I might forget that I’m just a thug, that I’m just some trash from the bottom of society. And any time I’ve ever forgotten that truth, the reminder has always been painful.”

 

A gloved hand tilted up her chin, forcing her to look at him. Cullen’s amber eyes were filled with concern and something else, something Rey could not name.

 

“You should forget that.” He said calmly. “It’s not true, at least, not anymore. I would never call you fragile, but you are precious. You are what you want to be now. And I’ll stand with you, whatever happens.”

 

“Dammit, Cullen.” She sobbed, her voice hoarse. She buried her face against the fabric of his jacket. She was confused, frightened, elated. A mixture of emotions swirled inside of her and she felt more conflicted than she ever had in her life. He pulled her to him, his heavy arms sheltering in his embrace.

 

“What about you?” He asked, his voice deep and almost a whisper. She lifted her head and regarded him from beneath her eyebrows. “I told you how I felt. I need to know what you…or if you…”

 

Rey took a deep breath. She was terrible at understanding her own feelings, even worse at voicing them.

 

“I don’t really understand what I feel.” She spoke slowly, hoping her words might make even a modicum of sense. She inhaled. “When I think about you, I feel warm inside. It spreads all over my body and I feel like… I didn’t know what lonely was until I met you.” She bit off her words in a curse. “That came out wrong. I’m horrible at this. This is all new to me.”

 

He cocked an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean…” She bit her lip. “Since I was a girl, I’ve been alone. My family’s a mess, I never had friends, and when I spent time with a man it was only casual. It was my life and I didn’t expect anything more. I never connected with anyone until the Inquisition. I had friends and companions and you. When I was around you, it felt amazing, like there was finally someone who noticed me, who noticed who I was. I felt…real. But then when I was away from you, I felt…like I had before, only it was different because I knew that there was something else. It was worse because then I knew that I spent my life wandering around in the dark. I never knew I was missing something. I was missing you.”

 

Cullen’s eyes were wide as he watched her speak. He said nothing when she finished. Rey chewed her bottom lip. “I’m sorry.” She said. “That didn’t make any sense, I just--”

 

Cullen’s lips met hers, effectively cutting off her sentence. She sighed into his mouth as she melted into his kiss. His pace was slow, undemanding  not like her forceful kisses. She followed his speed, allowing him to slowly assault her mouth. She parted her lips and he dove in. Rey shuddered with need, her heart pounded against her chest. She fisted her hands in his jacket as he pulled her closer to him. The heat from his body radiated through her, searing her. He nipped at the corners of her mouth, tasting every bit of her while whispering her name like a litany.

 

His kisses weren’t those driven by lust. Rey realized that every other kiss she had been given was nothing, a prelude to sex, a formality. _This_ was a kiss. She snaked her arms about his neck and pulled him closer, he hunched his back to meet her height. Cullen drug his teeth along her bottom lip, their breaths mingled in the air between them. She opened her eyes, her pulse quickened when she saw his own heavy lidded gaze, his eyes black from desire. He rested his forehead against hers. His eyes drifted shut; his breath was slow and labored.

 

“Will you stay with me?” She murmured. His arms on her back stiffened.

 

“Maker, yes.” He replied without opening his eyes. She threaded her fingers through his curls, moving her lips to his. He moaned as he took her mouth again, this time stronger, more insistent. She let him set the pace. She took over before, in her direct and rough manner, but now she wanted him to lead, she wanted to feel how much he needed her, how much he wanted her.

 

Cullen’s hands moved down her arms, warming the bare skin. She only regretted that he wore gloves, the man always wore gloves. She needed to feel his skin on hers. Rey broke their kiss and took his hands in her own. She pulled the deerskin gloves off his fingers, first one, then the other. He took her face in his hands; his thumb crept over her lips, tracing the lines, the dip and fall before taking her mouth with his own. His calloused hands once again rested on her shoulders and she quivered at his touch. Heat from his hands penetrated into her body.

 

Cullen took the strap of her gown between his fingers; he traced the fabric as it flowed down. His knuckles grazed the top of her breast and Rey broke the kiss to gasp, her breath shaking with need. He smirked, his lips moist and swollen and slipped his hand beneath the gown to cup her full breast. Rey groaned as her head fell back. Cullen did not grope or paw at her as other men had. He took her in his hand, enjoying the weight of her against his palm. He brushed an idle thumb over her hardening nipple. Rey hissed and bit her lip. Never had she been treated like this, she felt as though she were something special. As though she were…

 

“You’re beautiful.” He muttered as he brushed his cheek against hers. His stubble scratched her smooth skin.

 

“You’re too much for me.” She purred smiling. He chuckled softly as he pulled her body closer to his, cradling her in an embrace. She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder as he lifted her. The world spun as he stood and she realized that she was so far off the ground, but she didn’t care, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed his neck as he took her to bed. He hissed when she nipped at the tender skin beneath his jaw.

 

When they reached her bed, he laid her down upon the sheets as though she were an exquisite object. He lay beside her and she squirmed against him to get closer. They lay like that for some time, wrapped in each other’s arms, soft lips moving against each other in a slow, excruciating manner. Rey felt the growing flood of desire hit her hard. The ache between her legs grew. She rubbed her thighs together, trying to quell the need that flooded through her, the need for him. She knew he wanted her, the growing bulge in his trousers pushed hard against her.

 

Cullen did not rush; it was something she was unaccustomed to. He took his time with her as his hands roamed over her body. He moved Rey on her back as his kissed relocated down her neck and to her collarbone. Rey squirmed beneath him as she raked her hands in his hair. He smiled against her skin, his hands reached behind her neck for the clasp of her dress. Their eyes met as he pulled the fabric down, slowly revealing herself to him. He never left her gaze until her dress was a mass of silk at her waist. The cold night air hit her and she shuddered. Cullen looked down at her exposed breast and groaned.

 

Rey might have felt the need to cover herself if not for the desire in his gaze. He leaned down and took her in his mouth. Rey moaned wantonly as he laved the sensitive skin with his tongue. She squirmed beneath him and opened her legs to him; her dress fell away, exposing the creamy flesh of her thighs. Cullen settled between her legs and she bucked her hips forward, hoping to relieve the ache that she felt there. She cursed being so short, she only wished for him to be inside of her, moving within her. Rey wanted an end to her misery, but it was only Cullen’s waist that sat upon her sex.

 

She writhed and gripped the sheets beneath her, unable to think clearly with the assault he wracked on her body. Rey pulled him up for a searing kiss and forced apart the buttons of his jacket. He snickered softly against her lips. With the buttons free, Rey pushed down the sleeves, Cullen shrugged off the jacket, leaving him in only a thin white shirt. She pulled it loose from his pants tugging it over his head in her haste. She wanted to feel his hard chest beneath her hands, wanted to feel him pressed against her breast.

 

She spread her palm over his chest when he was finally shirtless before her. His flesh burned her. Her throat went dry from the sight of him; she had seen soldiers before but none of them looked like him. She raked her hands down his hard chest, fumbling through the golden chest hair. He sucked a breath in through his teeth as she neared the ties of his pants. She laughed breathily.

 

Scars were scattered about his body, some old and faded, some newer and red. One in particular drew her attention, a nasty looking gash that marred his shoulder. It didn’t look like something that came from a sword. She lightly ran her fingers over it.

 

“What is this?” She asked. He took her hand away and kissed her fingers.

 

“From another life.” He said. Rey knew better than to press the issue. Instead she leaned forward, brushing her lips against the scar. Cullen sighed and his shoulders fell. He took her face in his hands and brought it to him for another kiss, one that bespoke the longing he felt inside.

 

They tumbled back on the mattress. Rey reveled in the feel of his weight on top of her. Each drugging kiss led into another and she clung to his back, reluctant to let him go. He broke their kiss and sat back on his knees watching her for a moment before sliding her dress from her body, completely revealing her body to him. His eyes grew wide.

 

“Maker’s breath, Rey.” He exhaled. “You weren’t wearing anything under that dress?”

 

“It was too thin.” Rey pouted. “My smalls would have shown and it was too low cut to wear a chemise.”

 

Cullen growled before tossing the dress aside. Rey, suddenly bashful, blushed and tried to cover herself. He took her hands in his and leaned over her.

 

“What are you doing?” He glared at her.

 

“It’s just…” She stammered. “I’m…I’m not…”

 

He silenced her with a passionate kiss. “You’re perfect.” He whispered against her lips. Rey smiled and relaxed. She raised her hips up to meet him. He hissed a breath before kissing her again. He buried his face against her neck while his hands roamed over her body, his knees braced on either side of her. Her body moved of its own volition, as did her voice. She couldn’t control the moans that escaped her while his strong calloused hands roamed over her flared hips, thick thighs, and rounded stomach.

 

Rey definitely couldn’t control how her hips bucked when he placed his hand upon the thatch of red curls that lay between her legs. She gripped his shoulders, her nails digging in his skin as he caressed the area that most longed for his attention. She moaned his name as his thumb circled the small nub that begged to be touched. It was Cullen who groaned though when he dipped a finger inside of her and noticed just how wet and warm she was. He grazed her throat with his teeth as he stretched her body.

 

His fingers thrust inside of her while his thumb circled around her apex. She could feel herself winding up. She writhed beneath him, but tried to pull him closer. Her breath came in short pants, he moved faster. Sweat beaded on her brow. She brought his face towards hers for a searing kiss while clutching his hair in her hands. Light enveloped her body, waves of energy pulsated through her. She pulled Cullen to her while she moaned his name. When her body finally stopped shuddering, the cloud over her eyes lifted. Cullen loomed over her, watching. He smiled as he removed his hand from her. Rey couldn’t move, she lay beneath him trying to recover from her climax.

 

Cullen sat back on his knees; Rey shook the fog from her mind and sat up quickly. She furiously tugged at the strings of his trousers. Cullen laughed softly.

 

“I need you.” She said in reply. He assisted her by tugging off the boots he still wore and tossing them aside. Rey tugged the waist of his pants down until his erection sprung free. Rey paused at the sight of him; even for a human he was big. Their eyes met and the desire that resonated in his told her he wanted her. He pulled his pants off the rest of the way and Rey pulled him down to her.

 

Now that they were both naked, she could revel in the feel of his skin against hers, She raised her leg and rubbed it along his hips. He kissed her once more before raising himself above her. Cullen regarded her curiously for a moment.

 

“What’s wrong?” She asked, her voice husky with desire.

 

“I’m just wondering if I’m too tall.” He muttered. Rey laughed delightedly. She spread her legs and welcomed him into her. He positioned himself at her entrance while bracing his body up on his hands. She had to crane her neck to look into his eyes. She wanted to kiss him, to taste him while he was inside of her, but watching the look on his face the moment he entered her was amazing. Cullen’s body seemed to relax and tighten at the same time. His eyes rolled back as his hips moved of their own volition. His hands clutched the sheets on either side of her. She wrapped her legs around his hips as she met his thrusts.

 

It felt so wonderfully right to have Cullen inside of her, his movements quickened and she could feel the budding pressure threatening a release again. His breath became ragged, laced with groans. His movements became more rapid. Rey gripped his arms that stood rigid at her side. She twisted and moved, her own release coming quickly. She couldn’t help the choked, breathy moan that escaped her lips as she came around him. Her body clenched and pulled him to his own release. Cullen pulled out quickly, spending himself upon her sheets instead.

 

Their breaths were harsh and ragged; their bodies gleamed with sweat. Rey reached up and pulled him down to her, sharing a quick kiss before collapsing back upon the mattress. Cullen smiled at her through heavy lidded eyes. He collapsed upon her, resting his head on her chest. Rey wrapped her arms around his body and held him tightly as their breaths slowly returned to normal.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short chapter that I wrote right after I wrote the previous chapter, I'm going to go ahead and post it now though. Sorry there haven't been too many updates recently. I'll get back on it soon, though. :)

The ground beneath him was a mass of inky blackness. He lay on his hands and knees, unable to move. A searing pain shot through his body. He coughed; the bitter taste of blood filled his mouth. The creature before him spoke. He didn’t listen to the words, he couldn’t. He might find them too tempting, might find it to easy to accept whatever it offered. _Maker, here my cry_. He repeated the verses for the hundredth time. _Guide me through the blackest nights._ He shut his eyes tight against the visions thrown before him, but even with eyes closed they were still there.

 

 _Steel my heart against the temptations of the wicked._ He could see the figures of the Templars around him, their faces gone. Blood poured from their bodies, staining the stone floor. _Make me to rest in the warmest places._   His own blood boiled within him. Fire coursed through his body. A cool breeze blew against his cheek, bringing him out for only a moment. “ _Cullen!_ ” His own name reverberated through his mind, spoken by an unknown voice. He opened his eyes and looked for the source, there was nothing, only the ever-changing horrors that lay before him. A sharp pain ran through is head, something burned into his skin. “ _Cullen!_ ” He heard it again, but did not look. He cried out, a strangled groan of agony.

 

“Cullen!”

 

He awoke with a jump. His breath was frantic and hurried, his body covered in a cold sweat. _A dream_. He told himself. _A dream_. His mind reeled with the knowledge. He struggled to catch his breath and slowly became aware of his surroundings. A gentle hand placed against his cheek. A soft warm body nestled on top of his. He opened his eyes and found himself in a room not his own. He fought through the haze of the nightmare and tried to remember where he was and had happened.

 

His eyes caught a glimpse of bright red hair and emerald eyes. Rey. Her hand rested against his face, her eyes were marred with concern. He could feel her much smaller body resting on top of his. When he saw the woman on top of him the memories flooded back. Her husky voice, her soft sighs. The way she welcomed him inside of her, the way she whispered his name while they made love. He smiled at the sight of her.

 

“Are you alright?” She whispered, running her palm across his forehead. Cullen nodded, not trusting his own voice. The sight of Rey washed away his memories of the dream. It was too hard to focus on anything other than the beautiful naked woman that lay on top of him. Her hair was wild, it rose high off her head and cascading down her shoulders, he raked his fingers through the length of it. Rey leaned into his touch.

 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” She asked again. Her apprehensive eyes met his.

“I’m fine.” He said hoarsely. Cullen enveloped her in his arms and pulled her face to meet his own. He groaned at the feel of her naked body sliding along his and took her mouth for a lazy kiss.

 

“Just fine?” She queried in a silky voice that excited him. He laughed quietly as he ran his hands down her body, feeling her back and hips before finally resting them on her plump bottom. Cullen sighed contentedly.

 

“I should go. It’s almost dawn.” He said noting the blue glow that was cast over the room. Rey groaned and entwined her arms about his neck.

 

“Let’s just stay here.” She said as she rested her head against his chest. “We’ll stay here all day, no one will even notice we’re gone.”

 

“As pleasing as the offer of spending the day in bed with you is,” He said. “I’m almost certain that someone will notice the disappearance of the Inquisitor and her commander.”

 

She groaned in complaint and kissed him once more before reluctantly sliding her body off his. Cullen snickered as he stood. He stretched once before locating his discarded clothing from the evening. Rey lay against the pillows, her eyes lazy, her mouth curved into a seductive smile as she watched him. He stopped and watched her as he shrugged on his jacket. She was beautiful. He smiled. Rey quirked up an eyebrow.

 

“What?” She asked. Cullen leaned over her, their faces level.

 

“I was just thinking.” He said softly. “With your hair a mess, your skin flushed and the completely sated smile on your face-You look the perfect image of a well-loved woman. I take great pride in knowing that I did this to you.”

 

Rey’s face reddened but she smiled. She pulled him to her for a kiss. He poured himself into her, and kissed her with all the passion and longing he felt within him.

 

Cullen left then, knowing that he had the most idiotic grin on his face, and despite his efforts it remained on his face throughout the remainder of the day.

 


	12. Chapter 12

“Ugh.” Sera exclaimed. “You’ve been back one day and you’ve already got that wonky smile on your face.”

 

“It’s not wonky.” Rey said as she finished off the tankard in her hand. Sera already beat her by two pints and she doubted that she could catch up. She set the empty mug on the tavern table. Noise erupted all about them in the form of song and drunk conversations.

 

“It’s fine, eh?” Sera confirmed with a smirk. “Everyone likes having a happy inquisitor. You’re less prickly now.”

 

“I was never prickly!”

 

Sera’s only response was a scoff. Rey rolled her eyes. She was happy now, and that could be accredited to one person. After her return from Ferelden the previous evening her commander had immediately sought her out and stayed by her side for the entire evening, only reluctantly pulling away when daylight streamed through her windows.

 

Rey blushed at the memory. Only a few weeks had passed since the start of their relationship, but it already felt familiar to her. A few of their friends were surprised at first, but a most seemed happy for them at least. Dorian let out an exasperated sigh and muttered “Finally.”

 

            “Oh, frig.” Sera muttered, drawing Rey from her thoughts. “Josie’s coming. She probably wants you to butter up some noble twat or something.”

 

            Rey glanced and smiled at Josephine’s approach, though she feared that what Sera said was true.

 

            “Inquisitor.” Josephine smiled uneasily and Rey suddenly felt nervous. “There was a letter for you while you were away.”

 

            Rey cocked an eyebrow. “Is this different from the rest of the pile sitting on my desk?”

 

            “This one is personal correspondence. I thought you might want it separately.”

 

            “Personal? No one sends me person…” Her words trailed off as she saw the scrawled handwriting on the envelope when Josephine handed it to her. Rey fought the urge to simply walk to the fire and toss it in, or ask Josephine to toss it herself. Rey quietly took the letter and set it on the table before her. She muttered thanks to Josephine who hastened to make a retreat.

 

            Rey picked up the tankard before realizing that it was empty. She sighed and picked up the thick envelope.

           

            “I should probably go read this.” She muttered to Sera who looked at her strangely. Rey stood and started to leave.

 

            “What’s wrong? Who’s it from?”

           

            “My mother.”

 

 

 

 

 

            Cullen frowned at the missive before him, as though glaring at the parchment might change the situation on the Storm Coast and rid the darkspawn for him. He scribbled out a response, promising more soldiers for the area. He set down the pen and sighed. Maker, it was hard to concentrate now that Rey returned. She had been gone for nearly two weeks and so far had only managed to steal a few hours of her time. It took all his willpower to not simply seek her out now, to take her in his arms and carry her off to bed.

 

He smiled at the memory of their night together. He loved how she unfolded at his touch and the strong façade that masked her insecurities melted away. When Rey was with Cullen, she lost the veneer of the inquisitor and became simply a woman. A blushing woman who leaned into his caresses and sighed into his kiss. Sometimes he could still see the pain she hid deep inside of her, but when she smiled for him, he saw only contentment.

 

It was in the late hours of the night when she returned. The horn didn’t blow, as it would have during the day, the only indication had been the rising of the portcullis and the collective noise of horse hooves. Cullen had been unable to sleep, he tossed and turned in his sheets, but when he heard the commotion he jumped out of bed and tugged on a shirt.

 

He rushed to the stables to find an exhausted Rey giving her reins to the groom. Her companions had already separated and the small complement of soldiers made their way to the barracks.

 

Cullen’s heart clenched when Rey saw him. Her eyes brightened as she rushed towards him. He fell to his knees as she crashed in his arms.

 

“I missed you.” She muttered against his neck. His heart beat faster. Maker, it was so easy to love this woman.

 

Cullen exhaled as he brought himself to the present. He stood and turned towards the window, not really staring at anything beyond the frosty mountain peaks.

 

He _did_ love her, he realized over the last few weeks. It was not a sudden rush of feeling as described in Varric’s books that Cassandra loved so much. There was no eye opening revelation. It was something that built up slowly, it crept up on him and when he realized it, he was not surprised or shocked by his discovery. Cullen never thought he would find love, never expected or even wanted it. He always assumed that he didn’t deserve it, that he was simply too marred and broken for love. He never thought that he would find someone as broken as him. They made each other stronger and held the broken pieces together. He never felt damaged when he was with her. When Rey wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered his name, Cullen felt like he could do anything.

 

But in this instance, he was a coward. He had yet to tell her how he felt and feared that such a revelation might frighten her. Cullen idly watched a flock of birds fly past his window. He heard the door creak as it opened and a small, lithe body stepped in.

 

“Whatever prank you had planned will have to wait until I actually leave my office.” Cullen told Sera. She scoffed.

 

“Not here for that.” She said crossing her arms and trying to look offended. “Here about _her._ ”

 

Cullen frowned. There was no question about who _her_ was.

 

“Is something wrong?” He asked. Sera shrugged.

 

“Don’t know.” She muttered. “Got a letter. Then got a queer look on her face, then left.”

 

“A letter? Do you know from who?”

 

“She said her mother, didn’t look too happy about it.”

 

Cullen blanched. As far as he knew, she had yet to get any word from her family since joining the inquisition. She spoke so rarely of her family that he had to piece her history together from her brief stories and rumors. He needed to find her. Whether the news was bad or good, there was no reason for her to endure it alone.

 

Cullen was halfway down the stone steps before he realized that he left Sera alone in his office without any explanation. She would do something in there, he was sure of it. He would have to remember to check the legs of his chair before he sat down, and the rungs of the ladder. And definitely make sure she didn’t put any small animals in his bed.

 

He didn’t bother knocking on her door. He ascended the steps by two until he saw her. She sat at her desk in the corner, her eyebrows knit tightly together as she stared at the paper before her. She glanced up when he came in, but did not offer him her usual smile. There was no expression on her face. She brought her attention back to the letter. Cullen stood silently for a moment. He was not quite sure what he should say.

 

“Got a letter?” he managed. The silenced that followed pierced his heart.

 

Rey slammed her fist on the letter after a moment. “It’s from _him._ ” She spat. “It’s my mother’s writing but it’s all my uncle’s words.”

 

“What does it say?”

 

“They ask when I’m coming back and what good do I think I’m doing here.” She glanced up and gave him a cold smile. “Apparently the Inquisition is a human concern, and my only concern should be furthering the family business. I’m wasting time and Darren Cadash is losing coin because I’m not there to do his bullshit.”

 

The last word was a shout as she crumpled the letter in her hands and threw it. She stood and paced angrily about the room.

 

“Darren thought he could get to me through her?” She spoke mainly to herself as she turned her back to him facing the large glass doors that led to her balcony. “Is he so self absorbed? That woman only wrote me because he made her. Probably hid the wine until she did it. She would never write to me anyway. And she didn’t hesitate to remind me several times that I’m just a criminal. No one will ever trust the Cadashes to do anything except smuggle and steal. ”

 

Unable to find the words to say that would help Rey, Cullen stepped forward and merely rested his hands upon her shoulders. He felt her body shake with a shuddering breath.

 

“I have to go.” She said trying to shrug him off, but he held her tight. “There’s a lot to do. Darkspawn on the Storm Coast and more…”

 

“No.” Cullen said firmly as he turned her to face him. Her eyes were wide, her face pale. She visibly swallowed. He took her face in his hands. “You’re not doing that again. You’ve just returned and you’re not going to wear yourself out like before.”

 

Rey’s eyes shut tight and her lips pursed together. She breathed through her nose. Her body shook with every ragged breath. She was holding something back. Confused, Cullen lowered to his knees, so he was forced to look up at her. He pulled her face down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. Something cracked inside of her then, and she let loose a loud sob.

 

“She never wanted me.” Rey cried. Tears flowed down her cheeks in torrents as her body shook. Cullen realized he had never seen her cry and wondered if she ever allowed herself to cry. He pulled her flush against his body and she curled into him. He held her while the sobs wracked her body.

 

A moment of respite came and she took a shuddering breath and repeated the phrase. “She never wanted me.”

 

Cullen knew whatever words he could say would do little, so he merely held her and stroked a hand through her hair while she spoke.

 

“My father.” She said softly. “He was the second son. He was an idealist and a bit of a rake. He hated the Carta, hated people killing each other over lyrium. When he met my mother, she was very young. She just wanted to have fun, never wanted to be tied down. She wanted to travel. She and my father met and…dallied. They never expected to see one another again. When she found out that she was having a bastard Cadash, she panicked. She found some orphanage in Nevarra that she could send me to, but she didn’t have the money. She went to my father and asked for the money to send me away when I was born, but he said he wanted me. He knew those orphanages were scams. They sell the children to Tevinter when they’re old enough.

 

“My father said he would take me. He asked my mother to go away with him so that we could all be together. Somehow she agreed. I always wondered what he said to her that made her agree to that. She had the perfect way out, she would never have to see her bastard and have the rest of her life to live as she wished, but she chose to go with him.”

 

“What happened to your father?” Cullen asked.

 

“He died when I was young. We lived in a small village in the Free Marches, and a horrible fever came through and wiped out half the town. I barely remember him. I remember he had a thick, red beard and a really loud laugh. We were all happy, even my mother.”

 

Fat, hot tears fell down her cheeks as her few memories of Rory Cadash flooded back to her.

 

“My mother and I had nowhere to go. So we went to my uncle. He took us in. I think she resented me for it. She had to suck up to that horrible man so her daughter wouldn’t starve.”

 

Rey stilled as her sobs died down. She rested her head in the fur of Cullen’s mantle.

“She told me that story when she was drunk one night. She didn’t leave out the bits about how it was completely my fault.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could say. It felt inadequate, but what could possibly comfort her? Thoughts of his own family only brought warm memories; he tried to imagine how she must feel. There were no words, so he merely held her.

 

“Does it bother you?” She murmured.

 

“Does what bother me?”

 

Rey pulled away slightly and met his gaze. Her eyes were bloodshot, her cheeks pink from her sobs.

 

“That I’m just some Carta thug that no one wanted?” She said softly. “I’m a criminal. Do you worry about what people will think? And I’m a dwarf. We’re not really…highly sought after by humans.”

 

Cullen sighed and rested his forehead against hers. “I don’t even know where to start with that ridiculous question.” He paused and gave her a warm smile. Rey bit her lip. “When I look at you, all I see is a magnificent woman. One that I never want to leave my side. If no one else can see that, then their opinion means nothing to me. And to your other question…” He said as he pulled her closer to him. “Do I need to demonstrate again how I am unable to keep my hands off you?”

 

Rey laughed softly and wrapped her arms around his neck. She seemed to relax a bit in his embrace.

 

“I’m sorry.” She said. “I don’t mean to be the one always complaining.”

 

He placed a warm kiss on her lips. “It’s not as though you’ve always seen the best of me. And you’re still here.”

 

Rey’s eyelids grew heavy. “I need a distraction.” She whispered. “Do you think you could come up with one for me?”

 

Cullen chuckled. “I can certainly try.”


	13. Chapter 13

Rey shivered from the cold and pulled herself closer to Cullen’s sleeping form for warmth. His back was turned to her; she sidled next to him and draped an arm over his waist. Heat from his body seared her and she relaxed. This became a habit as of late; Cullen would come to her in the night and stay until the early hours of the morning. She didn’t complain; she reveled in it.

 

Cullen stripped away her defenses and insecurities with his kisses. Then he made love to her in a way that never ceased to have her moaning his name. She often let him set the pace. She loved the anticipation, the thought of never knowing if tonight would be slow and sweet or needy and intense. Rey never knew that being with someone could feel like this. A strange feeling stirred in her chest when she thought about him, something more than adoration. It didn’t matter, all she knew is that for the first time in her life she knew a blissful contentment that she could have never imagined.

 

Cullen murmured something as he slept, which wasn’t odd. But his voice sounded pained, fretful. She noticed now that his body was far too hot and covered in a sheen of sweat. His shoulders shook. Rey sat up quickly and turned him onto his back. His fists clenched and his eyebrows furrowed. He muttered strange phrases and names that were all foreign to her. Rey didn’t know if she should wake him. Could you wake a dreaming person? The realm of the fade was so strange to her. Cullen called out her name in a distressed voice full of anguish and she knew she would have to wake him. She couldn’t have him dreaming of something horrible happening to her.

 

Rey took his face in her hands. “Cullen!” She cried. He woke with a jump. His eyes wild and frightened as he looked about him. His hand reached for hers and squeezed it tightly. His frantic breathing resumed a normal pace. When he saw her expression he groaned and looked away. He forced himself to sit up and rubbed his temples.

 

“Maker…” He muttered. “I’m sorry, Rey.”

 

Rey pulled his chin to face her. His expression was pained, full of shame and embarrassment.

 

“For what?” She asked.

 

“I woke you. I…I should sleep in my own quarters from now on.”

 

“No.” Rey cried. “Then you’ll wake up alone. I don’t want that.”

 

Cullen sighed and smiled softly. “You are…” His voice trailed off as he stared.

 

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

 

“Now who’s being ridiculous?”

 

He chuckled.

 

“What are your nightmares about?” Rey asked. “What happened?”

 

Cullen looked away. “I…can’t talk about it. It’s too much.”

 

Rey leaned forward and embraced him. “If you ever want to, I’ll listen.” She whispered. “I’ve whined to you enough. You shouldn’t have to bear these burdens alone.”

 

Cullen exhaled, his voice shook and he pulled her against his body. “One day.” He said. “When I can, I will tell you everything. For now, it’s enough that you will be here when I wake.”

 

Rey lifted her head and met his gaze. She smiled as a wave of emotion came over her.

 

“I love you.” She said, and she knew it was true. Cullen’s eyes grew wide.

 

“You do?” He asked. The side of his mouth kicked up. Rey chuckled.

 

“Yes.” She said. Cullen smiled and drew her mouth to his. He devoured her in a demanding kiss. Rey snaked her hands up his neck and tangled her fingers in his hair.

“Good.” He said when he finally pulled away. “Because I love you.”

 

Rey laughed delightedly as she pressed him down into her mattress. Their lips met and one kiss led into another as he raked his hands over her plump body. Her fiery hair fell off her shoulders and draped over his chest. She raised herself up and straddled his hips, enjoying the sight of this magnificent man as she lowered herself over his shaft. Cullen’s head fell back at the sensation. His hands gripped her hips as she moved over him.

 

It felt right to have him there, inside of her. Their bodies joined was perfection, as though she were made for no other man but him. Their lovemaking was desperate. His fingers dug into her skin as he moved her in a rhythm that had them both moaning. “I love you.” She said as the first wave of her climax washed over her. She repeated the phrase over and over until her body finally ceased quaking. Cullen groaned as he filled her. Warmth spread throughout her limbs and she slumped against him.

 

When the last of the shocks left his body, Cullen withdrew himself from her. He pulled Rey to his side and they lay there in a tangling of limbs whispering sweet endearments. The sky turned to a pale blue as dawn crept over. Rey pulled Cullen tighter.

 

“Don’t leave yet.” She whispered.

 

He chuckled softly as he threaded his fingers through her hair.

 

“Never.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally done!! 
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and wonderful comments! It has really helped me when I felt pretty down about this and almost considered not finishing it.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! I had a lot of fun writing it.


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